Airporch

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Because of their so-called intelligence, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will never have a proper article about Airporch. We are sorry for their blatant retardedness.

Airporch is a brand of levitating porches manufactured by Airporch International. An Airporch is also a reference to any porous hole in or around Megg Ryan.

History[edit]

The date of creation for the original Airporches is usually described as "unknown." Most historians agree that the first Airporch would have been created when the first human fell to his or her death, more than likely in prehistoric times. These Airporches, known as Prehistoric Porches, differ from Modern Airporches in that no levitating porches are present.

Technology[edit]

Airporches of Today[edit]

Modern Airporches are made possible by taking advantage of the laws of magnetism. Powerful magnets are placed on the underside of the porch, facing the polar opposite of equally powerful magnets. This propels the porch into the air a certain number of feet and keeps the porch in levitation. The porch generally stays in levitation unless a powerful force (such as wind gusts, the rising and setting of the sun, and discotheques) pushes the magnets out of alignment. Misalignment is rare as well as injury relating to misalignment - occuring in only 65% of customers, according to a 2005 Airporch International survey of Jack Smith. The most recent Airporches to make use of magnetic technology include the AP-250, AP-1989, AP-2007, and the Heinrich_Himmler signature model, the AP-SS.

Airporches of the Past[edit]

Prior to Magnetics, Airporch International utilized a number of levitation technologies. In 1349, Airporch International revealed the state-of-the-art manual labor system in order to hold plague-infected Norwegians at bay. This system used a never-before-seen fuel injection technology known as hitting slaves with whips, which propelled Airporches in a number of uncontrolled directions with up to 9 black power. However, this system was quickly abandoned by the company due to the costs of maintenance and replacing slaves after death. Most Airporches after that used the less expensive but also less impressive nuclear reactior system.

Corporate[edit]

The overwhelming majority of Airporches are manufactured by Vietnam-based conglomerate Airporch International. Airporch International employs 300 Vietnamese children to ensure the highest possible quality.

Controversy[edit]

On September 10, 2001, Norwegian parliament members passed a bill banning the use of all Airporches in the world. Airporch International executives were confused by the action and sent representatives to Norway to discuss the nullification of the bill. During the talks, a fight broke out and the Norwegian parliament was murdered. Their colony Sweden was forced to send in their Army to preserve the peace. All 5 soldiers returned home safely. After the incident, it was discovered that the bill was a ban on sex with Megg Ryan, and Airporch International president Phuc_Hung publicly apologized for the murders.

World Records[edit]

Vietnamese National Jack Smith set the record for Highest Airporch levitation in 2002 with a height of 19 feet. However, Smith died on the descent, having fallen into his barbeque and causing the propane tank to explode. 4 children were injured as well.