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Look at all that innocent corn! The anti-corn alarmists will destroy us before the corn lobbyists will!

Alarmism is the single-most dangerous social trend that we face as a species today. No other ill of the human condition even comes close to the consequences we will all suffer if the scourge of unbridled alarmism is not dealt with and completely eradicated immediately!

Roots of alarmism[edit]

It is a little known fact that alarmism was originally introduced into our otherwise idyllic society by an unholy alliance of fascists, communists and muslims! Their aim has been to disrupt our lives with such fear and dread that we all cower in our holes, never venturing out to see the TRUTH! That everything is OK and we are not all going to die tomorrow!

But these alarmists have conspired to ruin us. By daily reminding us that the corn lobby is killing us, our trucks will roll over on top of our babies, our children's toys will poison them, our pet gerbils will eat us alive, or our Coca Colas will give us prostate cancer, they have damaged our economy, destroyed our sense of well-being, and caused us all to cower in abject fear.

Take action against alarmism NOW![edit]

Look at their alarming trend graphs - it's enough to scare us all to death!
Illuminati? More like Alarminati! We must destroy conspiracy thoerists before they do us all in!

Well I say no more!

You can have my High Fructose Corn Syrup when you can pry it from my cold, dead hand!

Chinese toys? 99 cent store, here I come!

And don't even think about illegalizing my Hummer. I'll fuck you up.

Let the killer bees sting me, let the sharks try to bite me. And I laugh at your Swine Flu. Who's with me?

I say, If we don't stop these alarmists from ruining our lives, we will all be dead within a half-century. Human civilization just can't continue to live in fear of the next terrorist attack, designer plague, corporate consumer safety cover-up, or agriculture lobby conspiracy. Alarmists are literally everywhere today - on your television news, in our churches, in our schools and on our street corners. They won't quit until you are completely under their mind-control. It will not be long before implants in our brains will warn us about the latest recalled meat. Then they will tell you the implants are killing you! There is no end to their tyranny!

Fight back against alarmism now before it kills you and your family!