Albert Fish

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“"He went into his room and he had a little pair of trunks, brown trunks, that he put on. He put those on and came out into the front room, and he got down on his hands and knees, and he had a paint stick that he stirred paint with. ... He would give the stick to one of us, and then he would get down on his hands and knees and we would sit on his back, one at a time, with our back facing him, and then we would put up so many fingers, and he was to tell how many fingers we had up, and if he guessed right, which he never did, why, we weren't supposed to hit him. Sometimes, he would even say more fingers than we really had. And if he never guessed right, why, we would hit him as many fingers as we would have up."”

~ Mary Nicholas on how great her step-dad was.
Good ol' Al posing for a picture at some jail in the 1930's.
For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia think they have an article about Albert Fish.

Albert Fish was one of the greatest and kindest people of all-time. He is often incorrectly referred to as the patron saint of sadomasochism, also known as D-Gray Man, the Werewolf of Wysteria, and possibly the Brooklyn Vampire. He boasted that he had "had children in every State," putting the figure at around 100, although it is not clear whether he was talking about molestation or cannibalization, less still as to whether it was true or not. Albert Fish, the granddaddy of the deranged, enjoyed implanting needles in his genitalia, stuffing his asshole with flaming alcohol balls, eating shit, killing children and making stews out of their remains, but was a very kind man.


Early life[edit]

He was born as Hamilton Fish in Washington, D.C., to Randall Fish (1795-1875). He said he had been named after Hamilton Fish, a distant relative who happened to be a New York governor, senator, and a Secretary of State. His father was 43 years older than his mother. Fish was the youngest child and he had three living siblings: Walter, Annie, and Edwin Fish. He wished to be called "Albert" after a dead sibling, and to escape the nickname 'Green Eggs and Ham' that he was given at an orphanage in which he lived many of his early years.

Many members of his family had mental illness, and one suffered from religious mania. His father was a river boat captain, but by 1870 he was a fertilizer manufacturer. The smell of cow dung on his father was one of the things that drove Al to the brink. The elder Fish died of a heart attack at the Sixth Street Station of the Pennsylvania Railroad in 1875 in Washington, D.C.. That was when Al's young, slutty mother put him into the orphanage. After he discovered the joy brought upon by physical pain, young Al frequently got in trouble so he'd be whipped and beaten. The beatings would often give him erections, for which the other orphans teased him.

By 1879, his mother got a government job and decided to look after him. However, his various experiences before this had affected him. He started a homosexual relationship in 1882, at the age of 12, with a telegraph boy. The youth also introduced Al to such practices as drinking urine and eating shit. Good Al, instead of raising Hell like other boys his age, spent his weekends visiting public baths where he could watch boys undress.

Al posing a for a picture at Sing Sing in 1903.

In 1890, Al arrived in New York City and, like most men in New York City at the time, became a male prostitute. He began having meaningful relations with young boys, a deed he kept committing even after his mother arranged a marriage. In 1898, he was married to a woman nine years his junior. They had six children: Albert Jr., Anna, Gertrude, Eugene, John, and Henry Fish. He was arrested for embezzlement and was sentenced to incarceration in Sing Sing in 1903. This is when he started the common practice of having sex with your fellow inmates.

Throughout 1898 he worked as a house painter, and he continued "helping" children, mostly boys under six. He later recounted an incident in which a male lover took him to a waxworks museum, where Fish was fascinated by a bisection of a penis; soon after, he developed a perfectly nature interest in castration. During a relationship with a mentally retarded man, Fish attempted to castrate him after tying him up. The retard escaped. Fish then began intensifying his visits to brothels where he could be whipped and beaten more often.

In January 1917, his wife left him for John Straube, a handyman who boarded with the Fish family. Following this rejection, John the Apostle started to taunt Al. Al realized the only way to get John to quit was by forcing his kids to beat him with a nail-studded paddle until he bled. He thought that he was Christ and that God had ordered him to castrate boys. Good Al did was he was told, and enjoyed it thoroughly. Good old Al made sure to fulfill God's wishes by killing children, regardless of what gender.

Early attacks on bastardly brats[edit]

Fish committed what may have been his first attack on a child named Thomas Bedden in Wilmington, Delaware in 1910. Afterwards, he stabbed a mentally retarded boy around 1919 in Georgetown, Washington, D.C.. He did so to ease the poor boys pain showing that he was a true humanitarian. Many of those that he helped would be either mentally retarded or blacks, because he wished to ease the pain from their constant discrimination.

On July 11, 1924 Fish found eight-year-old Beatrice Kiel playing alone on her parents' Staten Island farm. Saddened by the fact this girl had no friends, he offered her money to come and help him look for rhubarb in the neighbouring fields. The two friends were about to leave the farm when her mother chased Fish away. Fish left, but returned later to the barn where he slept for the night before he'd be discovered by the dad. The father of the little girl refused to beat him off, so he left.

Billy Gaffney[edit]

A boy named Billy Gaffney(who was very well known for his constant whining) was playing in the hallway outside of his family's apartment in Brooklyn with some random stranger, Billy Beaton, on February 11, 1927. Both of the boys disappeared, but the friend was found on the roof of the apartment house. When asked what happened to Gaffney, Beaton said "the boogey man took him." Initially Peter Griffin was a suspect in the murder of Billy Gaffney. Then, Joseph Meehan, a motorman on a Brooklyn tramp(Catch my drift?), saw a picture of Fish in the newspaper after his arrest in connection to the Grace Budd murder and identified him as the old man that he saw February 11, 1927, who was trying to quiet "a little whiny mother fucking brat" sitting with him on the trolley. The boy wasn't wearing a jacket and was crying for his mother and was dragged by the man on and off the trolley. Police matched the description of the child to Billy Gaffney. Gaffney's body was never recovered.

Current investigators believe he, Jimmy Hoffa, and Natalie Holloway are hiding out together in the Atlantic Ocean.

Grace Budd[edit]

Al took the girl to his nice cozy cabin, but she didn't want to play his reindeer games.

On May 28, 1928, Fish, then 58 years old, visited the Budd family in Manhattan, New York City under the pretense of hiring Edward Budd, who was looking for a farm job though he lived on his families farm. He introduced himself as Frank Howard, a farmer from Farmingdale, New York. When he arrived, Fish met Budd's younger sister, 10-year-old Grace. Fish promised to hire Budd and said he would send for him in a few days. On his second visit he agreed to hire Budd, then the parents, Delia Flanagan and Albert Budd I, forced him to take Grace with him to a birthday party that evening at his sister's home. Grace had a sister, Beatrice; and two other brothers, Albert Budd II; and George Budd. Fish left with Grace that day, but never came back.

The police arrested Pope Charles Edward on September 5, 1930 as a suspect of the girl's disappearance. He was a 66-year-old apartment house superintendent, and he was accused by his bitch of a wife. He spent 108 days in jail between his arrest and trial on December 22, 1930.

Al, being the nice man that he was, sent an anonymous letter seven years later, in November 1934, to the girl's parents which led the police to him because he couldn't let an innocent man die. The letter is quoted here, with all of Fish's correct spellings and grammatical corrections:

“Dear Mrs. Budd. In 1894 a friend of mine shipped as a deck hand on the Steamer Tacoma, Capt. John Davis. They sailed from San Francisco for Hong Kong China. On arriving there he and two others went ashore and got drunk. When they returned the boat was gone. At that time there was a famine in China. Meat of any kind of was from $1-3 Dollars a pound. So great was the suffering among the very poor that all children under 12 were sold to the Butchers to be cut up and sold for food in order to keep others from starving. A boy or a girl under 14 was not safe in the street. You could go to any shop and ask for steak--chops--or stew meat. Part of the naked body of a boy or a girl would be brought out and just what you wanted cut from it. A boy or girls behind which is the sweetest part of the body and sold as veal cutlet brought the highest price. John staid there so long he acquired a taste for human flesh. On his return to N.Y. he stole two boys one 7 and one 11. Took them to his home stripped them naked tied them in a closet. Then burned everything they had on. Several times every day and night he spanked them--tortured them--to make their meat good and tender. First he killed the 11 yr old boy, because he had the fattest ass and of course the most meat on it. Every part of his body was Cooked and eaten except head--bones and guts. He was Roasted in the oven (all of his ass), boiled, broiled, fried, stewed. The little boy was next, went the same way. At that time, I was living at 409 E. 100 St. near--right side. He told me so often how good Human flesh was I made up my mind to taste it. On Sunday June the 3--1928 I called on you at 406 W 15 St. Brought you pot cheese--strawberries. We had lunch. Grace sat in my lap and kissed me. I made up my mind to eat her. On the pretense of taking her to a party. You said Yes she could go. I took her to an empty house in Westchester I had already picked out. When we got there, I told her to remain outside. She picked wildflowers. I went upstairs and stripped all my clothes off. I knew if I did not I would get her blood on them. When all was ready I went to the window and Called her. Then I hid in a closet until she was in the room. When she saw me all naked she began to cry and tried to run down stairs. I grabbed her and she said she would tell her mamma. First I stripped her naked. How did she kick--bite and scratch. I choked her to death, then cut her in small pieces so I could take my meat to my rooms, Cook and eat it. How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven. It took me 9 days to eat her entire body. I did not fuck her tho I could of had I wished. She died a virgin. Too bad. Hugs and Kisses,”

Mrs. Budd, who claimed to be illiterate, forced her son read it aloud to her, instead. Angered by the realization that his daughter died a virgin, Mr. Budd gave the letter to the police.

His Downfall[edit]

Will King forcing good old Al to confess to murders.

The letter was delivered in an envelope that had a small hexagonal emblem with the letters "N.Y.P.C.B.A." standing for "New York Private Cock Biters Association". A snitch at the company told police he had taken some of the stationery home but left it at his rooming house at 200 East 52nd Street when he moved out. The landlady of the rooming house said that Fish had checked out of that room a few days earlier. She said that one of his sons had sent him money and had asked her to hold his next check for him. Will F. King, the lead investigator, waited outside the room until Fish returned. He agreed to go to the headquarters for questioning, but at the street door Fish lunged at him with a razor in each hand. King disarmed Fish and took him to police headquarters. Fish made no attempt to deny the Grace Budd murder, saying that he had intended to go to the house to kill Edward Budd, Grace's brother who was a sinner, but John the Apostle made him kill Grace, instead.


The rigged trial of Albert Fish for the murder of Grace Budd began on March 11, 1935, in White Plains, New York. James Dumpsack was Fish's defence attorney. The trial lasted for ten days. Fish pleaded insanity, and claimed to have heard voices from God telling him to kill children. Several psychiatrists testified about Fish's sexual fetishes, including coprophilia, urophilia, pedophilia and masochism, but no one believed these activities meant he was insane. The defences chief expert witness was Fred Wartingham, a psychiatrist with a focus on child development who conducted psychiatric examinations for the New York criminal courts; Wartingham stated that Al shouldn't be held responsible for his actions, but God and Al's parents were to blame. Another defence witness was Mary Nicholas, Fish's 17-year-old stepdaughter. She described how Fish taught her and her brothers and sisters a game involving overtones of masochism and child molestation.

The jury found him to be guilty of sanity, and the judge ordered the death sentence. He was sent to Sing Sing once more.

In jail confessions[edit]

After being sentenced Fish forced to confess to the murder of eight-year-old Francis X. McDonnell, killed on Satan Island. Francis was playing on the front porch of his home near Port Richmond, Satan Island in July 15, 1924. Francis's mother saw an "old man" walk by clenching and unclenching his fists. He walked past without saying anything. Later in the day, the old man was seen again, but this time he was watching Francis and his friends play. Francis' body was found in the woods near where a neighbour had seen Francis and the "old man" going earlier that afternoon. He had been assaulted and strangled with his suspenders. would have locked the poor kid up in a cage. And that ain't no good, <insert name here>.

He also told the mother of Billy Gaffney:

“I brought him to the Riker Avenue dumps. There is a house that stands alone, not far from where I took him. I took the boy there. Stripped him naked and tied his hands and feet and gagged him with a piece of dirty rag I picked out of the dump. Then I burned his clothes. Threw his shoes in the dump. Then I walked back and took the trolley to 59 Street at 2 a.m. and walked from there home. Next day about 2 p.m., I took tools, a good heavy cat-o-nine tails. Home made. Short handle. Cut one of my belts in half, slit these halves in six strips about 8 inches long. I whipped his bare behind till the blood ran from his legs. I cut off his ears, nose, slit his mouth from ear to ear. Gouged out his eyes. He was dead then. I stuck the knife in his belly and held my mouth to his body and drank his blood. I picked up four old potato sacks and gathered a pile of stones. Then I cut him up. I had a grip with me. I put his nose, ears and a few slices of his belly in the grip. Then I cut him through the middle of his body. Just below the belly button. Then through his legs about 2 inches below his behind. I put this in my grip with a lot of paper. I cut off the head, feet, arms, hands and the legs below the knee. This I put in sacks weighed with stones, tied the ends and threw them into the pools of slimy water you will see all along the road going to North Beach. I came home with my meat. I had the front of his body I liked best. His monkey and pee wees and a nice little fat behind to roast in the oven and eat. I made a stew out of his ears, nose, pieces of his face and belly. I put onions, carrots, turnips, celery, salt and pepper. It was good. Then I split the cheeks of his behind open, cut off his monkey and pee wees and washed them first. I put strips of bacon on each cheek of his behind and put them in the oven. Then I picked 4 onions and when the meat had roasted about 1/4 hour, I poured about a pint of water over it for gravy and put in the onions. At frequent intervals I basted his behind with a Wooden Spoon. So the meat would be nice and juicy. In about 2 hours, it was nice and brown, cooked through. I never ate any roast turkey that tasted half as good as his sweet fat little behind did. I ate every bit of the meat in about four days. His little monkey was a sweet as a nut, but his pee-wees I could not chew. Threw them in the toilet.”


Very fascinating. By the way, there are 29 needles.

Good old Al happily helped his executioners with the electrodes and died a happy man. The chair short-circuited at first because of the twenty needles implanted in his genitalia, which is very fascinating. Don't you agree?

See also[edit]

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