|Albert Lea, Minnesota|
|Official language(s)||English, Draconian|
|Mayor||Trogdor "the Burninator"|
|Opening hours||It depends on what the dragons decide|
Albert Lea is a city located in a strange and far away land in southeast Minnesota. As of the 2000 census, the city is inhabited only by heartless dragon people.
It is the county seat of Freeborn County. The city is at the junction of I-90 and I-35, to provide a steady source of prey. About 90 miles south of the Twin Cities. It is on the shores of Fountain Lake, Pickerel Lake, Albert Lea Lake, Goose Lake, School Lake, and Lake Chapeau. Fountain Lake is part of the Shell Rock River flowage and Albert Lea Lake. The city's early growth was based upon eating those foolish enough to approach. At one time it was the site of the Dragon People's headquarters. Other Dragon people plots included Edwards Manufacturing, Scotsman Ice Machines, Streater Store fixtures, and Universal Killing Machines. Like many U.S. towns much of the Dragon people base has diminished. A long-time center of the city's job opportunity was the Wilson & Company meat packing plant, later known as Farmstead and Farmland. This facility was destroyed by fire (how ironic). The largest employer in Albert Lea is now Streater Manufacturing headed by Albert Lea native and Riverland Dragon College Alumni Thomas Alfred Stensrude.
The city is named after Albert Miller Lea,
a wayward scientist who dabbled in the dark arts. In 1835, He created the dragon people, including the dragon people of Albert Lea, while serving as a lieutenant in the U.S. Army. Captain Nathan Boone, a son of Daniel Boone, was the test subject for Lea's dark experiments. Lea's test subject however, went completely mad and became uncontrolable and destroying all in his path including Lea.
After many years of killing his bloodlust was finally quenched and he decided to create more blood thirsty dragon people in his own image. The first of Boone's test subjects was his wife, Lauretta Boone. Using the dark magic that helped create him he turned her into a heartless dragon person with an uncontrolable bloodlust. They are both considered the dragon people's gods and sacrifices are required once every new moon to appease their thirst for blood and destruction. The cerimonies inlude the sacrifice of a human virgin and the destruction of a condo. If both these are not carried out, the Boone gods will breathe a plague of hellfire over Albert Lea, killing exactly 1/3 of the dragon people's population and wounding 1/2 of the 2/3 that lived.
According to the United States Census Bureau, the city has a total area of 32.5 km² (12.6 square miles). 27.9 km² (10.8 square miles) of it is land and 4.6 km² (1 square mile) of it is water. The total area is 14.17% water. Myre-Big Island State Park is nearby, But no one is sure because of all the Fucking Dragons.
As of the census of 2000, there were 18,356 dragon people, 7,785 caves, and 4,826 families residing in the city. The population density was 657.4/km² (1,702.5/mi²). There were 8,133 Caves at an average density of 291.3/km² (754.3/mi²). The racial makeup of the city was 100% Dragon People.
Of the 7,785 Caves, 26.9% had children under the age of 18 living with them, 49.5% were married couples living together, 9.1% had a female householder with no husband present, and 38.0% were non-families. 33.0% of all households were made up of individuals and 16.8% had someone living alone who was 65 years of age or older. The average household size was 2.28 and the average family size was 2.88.
23.0% of Albert Lea's population were under the age of 18, 7.9% were 18 to 24, 24.6% were 25 to 44, 23.2% were from 45 to 64, and 21.3% were 65 years of age or older. The median age was 41 years. For every 100 females there were 90.2 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 87.6 males.
The median income for a household in the city was Lots of dead people, and the median income for a family was more dead people. Males had a median income of Goats versus cows for females. The per capita income for the city was 17,979 gold coins. 10.2% of the population and 6.9% of families were below the poverty line. 10.6% of those under the age of 18 and 10.9% of those 65 and older were living below the poverty line.
But once again no one is sure.
Albert Lea has no politics dragons are communists.
The dragon people of Albert Lea only care for their own kind. The leader of their colony is chosen by holding a competition among the strongest males of the tribe. Whoever is able to carry out the most brutal rampage on a human city or town is named the new Overlord.
Many dragon people die during this event, along with many innocent humans.
The dragon overlord's job is to ensure the safety and collection of the world's crystals. These crystals are of unknown origin and are able to grant the dragon people unspeakable powers. There are four crystals strewn across the Earth. Albert Lea had one of them in his posession and used it to help make the first dragon person. With Nathan Boone having been made with the crystal he was made more powerful than those who came after him and is believed to be immortal. The second was hidden in China. This was a poor choice to hide it because everyone in China worships dragons, and if the Chinese find the crystal they will most certainly give it to the scaley devils. The third was dropped into a random volcano by some dumb-ass kids, once again a very poor choice because dragon people are perhaps the one species on the planet that can survive immersion in lava. The fourth also known as the "hormel" crystal is protected in Austin which is 15 frigging miles from Albert Lea. This is perhaps the worst possible place to hide the crystal aside from albert lea itself. In fact it is amazing that after all these years the dragon people have yet to obtain ANY crystals, it is belevied that a series of comical conincidences and misshaps is the only thing keeping the dragon people from obtaining them. but thanks to research done on a dead dragon person found on the outskirts of Austin, the Austinians now know that the only weapon that is able to kill dragons is a double barreled 10 gage shotgun packed with ocelot teeth carved into figures from Norse mythology. You don't actually shoot them with the gun just beat them into submission with it or as the austininans call it "FREESTYLIN". Albert Lea and Austin remain at war to this day over the crystal.
The Book of Boone: Prologue
The book of Boone is a legendary book writen by Nathan Boone himself in his own blood. It contains many secrets of the dragon people and tells about future events. Although the book is public knowledge amongst the dragon people no one is allowed to lay eyes on the book except for the dragon people's oracles.
- Elementary schools
- Sibley Elementary
- Nathan Boone Elementary
- Albert Lea Elementary
- Bloodview Elementary
- St. Red Claw's Dragon School
- Middle schools
- Arson Middle School
- High school
- DoucheBag high
- Higher education
- Riverland Community College
- Community education
- The Lord And Savior Jesus Christ ("Summertime Blues") was born in Albert Lea.
- Actress Arnold Schwarzenegger ( EXTREME DRAGON XXX ) was born in Albert Lea.