Aldershot

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The bustling shops and 'Off Price Shopping' attract people to Aldershot

The town of Aldershot (aka Alders hit) between Winchester and London (the old Capital (Winchester) and the modern day Capital (London)) used to be a nice place back in the day (ask the ghosts of it's dead highwaymen), but its not anymore. There were lots of nice places to go and lots of nice people.

Early Times[edit]

However, in the (1970's) some important people who weren't happy with their nearby town of Farnborough completed the takeover of Aldershot,stole the nice silver trophies,and used the title 'Borough' to call their own. They even renamed this little group 'Rushmoor' so that people didn't get confused. They built nice big new offices to work in. IN Farnborough!

Shopping[edit]

Of course their own town was bad with only one or two really old nice buildings that belonged to napoleon and very little history, but Aldershot had lots because of the army especially Victorian and Edwardian. Still remaining after a century were lots of notable buildings like theaters, a big hospital run by Florence Nightingale, music halls and many large cinemas, quaint old fashioned stores who were even visited by royalty and then there were the really posh stores like 'Macs mini bazaar. It even had its own open air Victorian market and a really nice old arcade, as well as the old fashioned ice cream stores. It had its own big green bus company called traction, to take all the people round all the different places, and even a building that printed its own comic newspaper. (at least the newspaper hasnt changed)

Of course this all made Aldershot popular and nice, so they all had to go. Rushmoor policies generally allow for a significant "payment of a financial contribution in respect of public open space as required by Local Plan policies" (that usually goes toward Southwood Golf coarse, in Farnborough ) Therefore for sizable fees to Rushmoor, all sorts of greedy developers were able to tear down all the nice buildings in Aldershot and were allowed to put up their own horrible new ones, mostly squalid cramped flats. Any they cant sell on ebay they just leave to fall down on there own, so no one can use them anymore. Although back in the seventies (when Rushmoor took over) and eighties, they built a massive building called a shopping center that was soon sold, as well as sky scraper offices that stood empty for years and some other buildings became park's for cars. Many others were sold as luxury apartments which are in fact squalid one room bed-sits. This was to attract rich investor tory types to buy-to-let, and the lower socio-economic poor people, called dross to rent them. And so it became bad and unpopular like Farnborough. To remove any tourism they even offered shop owners hundreds of pounds to rip out their nice old shop fronts (which were quickly sold to restorers for decent towns)and replace them with 'modern' ones. Other than pound shops, few of the other big shops remain as real shops, the rest remain empty. Many that still open, are only popular because they renamed themselves to charity, the others became either really big pubs or seedy night clubs.

Besides the one built by tesco the other remaining building that remained in use by Rushmoor council was a tourist office, but that too is now closed and despite reality Aldershot is always talked up by councilors who still say its nice to shop in. Yet so few people ever do,including councillors.Even then not without witnessing a live street brawl or a shop lifter chase with the fear of being knifed. Few people only now visit because they have to. The exception are the many bad and work-shy druggies and piss heads who live for free in many of the local bed-sits and flats. But there are some other nice people who still shop there now and hang around on corners in bed sheets that all seem to have the same name, immigrant.

Rushmoor and the local tories have called this 'progress' over time, and until recently employed a fat disabled women as one of the many important people to be in charge of all the shops in town, so no one dare say anything bad about them. She just hid in the many empty shops. Some say she moved around from shop to shop, and you could tell this if you looked in the empty windows and saw lots of crisp packets and sweet wrappers. Once a year she organised a 'fun' Victoria day. This was so she could legaly be paid for 'work' and Rushmoor could count how many people still knew where Aldershot was.

As part of another of its 'regeneration' strategies, Rushmoor made lots of promises to the people of Aldershot to make it nice again. Against opposition they talked for years about replacing two genuine art-deco cinemas, one now a church, the other a bingo hall and suggested instead building a new one- SOMEWHERE ELSE ! But no one wants to live in Aldershot anymore so they try to make Farnborough the best instead. They think people are too stupid to care (they dont) or wont live long enough to notice. One of Aldershot's remaining 'highlights'is a disused school called the The WestEnd (aka Westy) that costs, its claimed, a million pounds a year to run. Its no longer a school but an arts place that a live band once played in. Its also not in the west end. They recently built one big new building for Aldershot, but it is over the hill and far far away. The NHS named itCentre for health. This is where people will now go at night when they get beaten by drunk squaddies back from Salisbury or a few of the many local chavs that can afford to go out and get bored. It will replace two local hospitals Rushmoor helped close many years ago. The Cambridge, (military) home of Florence Nightingale and Aldershot's cottage hospital (civilian).

Development[edit]

Their own town, Farnborough never got any better, because they were not very clever, so they sold most of it too and demolished it. Although someone realised that many many years ago an old man tied a balloon to a stick in a field at fanborough and so they built their own airport and museum nearby to remember him. They called this 'history'.

They still try very hard, but they cant sell more of Aldershot because no big developers want it any more as there are already lots of bed-sits.

local Chav caught stealing from one of the pound shops

So their friends in the other big council that looks after Hampshire is selling it for them small chunks at a time. This is very sad for the good people of Aldershot because now they have nowhere nice to go when they want to go to school or get old before they die. But it is very good for the people who work in the councils because they can now buy fast cars and lots of nice things for themselves and live far far away with all the money.

The people in Aldershot are still very nice because they have to share to so much now, not just their blue wheelie bins, but benefits for single parent child support and their bedsits. This is because all the good houses were sold to the nice Gov. landlords called housing association by Rushmoor who didn't have much money then. People now have to live in tiny little bed-sits with the other druggies or immigrants. But its good because now there are lots and lots of bed sit homes, so people from the EU and other places a REALLY long way away all have somewhere to live as well. This is good for Rushmoor as they can charge lots more people and get lots more money for all their friends in the EU as well. This helps make Aldershot a nice place to live with lots of drug dens, brothels and seedy 'pubs with atmosphere'. The home of the binge drinking alcoholic. Where community matters and people are always happy - to leave. Rushmoor pay back the people by putting lots of flowers on lamp-posts.

New evening Conveniences, Pop-up loos for local piss 'eads.[edit]

Convenient for some, The council realy are good to the locals in Aldershot. No expense is spared for facilities and entertainment. 'Loading or UN-loading' "Where the streets have NO shame".


"Now the people will know where all their money goes" said one tory councillor,

"They didn't have anything like this when I lived rough."

Thankfully the partnership with local police upholds the excellent reputation for the area (and provides extras) so they are often seen helping locals (at night time) remember to pay homage for the excellent services or back up their other colleagues, the once part time Traffic wardens who are now (community EU Enforcement support tossifers) Who are real people secretly run by the council and not the Queen. They are the EU's secret police to spy on normal people. They spend their time pretending they are useful at deterring crime, like riots a revolution, or people dropping fag butts. But when the time comes to save a life or do a 'proper' job they wouldn't even notice, because the're always too busy trying to look good! But of course there is more to Aldershot than just the piss-heads and evening economy. But thankfully not much. So what happens on a busy pub night, all the pubs open at the same time and all the piss-heads and school kids can have a jolly good time mingling from pub to pub. Space isn't a problem either, because the roads in between become part of the floor space of one huge venue. There are lots of free parking spaces (between midnight and four AM) and plenty of places for people to dump and unload. Just another example of the concern rushmoor has for its poor council tax payers.

Airport[edit]

Millions were spent upgrading facilities at Farnborough.

For the last thirty years or so, the Tory run Rushmoor council used some of the money they took colluding with developers and other dodgy Gov. sorts to try and develop (sell and make lots more money) there own town of Farnborough so it was better. So where they once had the pinnacle of British scientific research and engineering, that was once called the Royal Aircraft Establishment, they let their friends in the big government sell it to their other friends, who sold some of it again to their friends and now they all play tag. Although it was naughty, rather than give the land or the money back to the poor people, they sold it and built a private airport for their rich and famous friends including members of the conservative party. It even has TWO BMW garages by the entrance.

They built this new airport so Lewis Hamilton and even more posh friends of the conservatives, can fly over to their other nice friends in the EU and ask them what to do when they're bored. Things like how to spend more money from the poor people and how to make them angry with lots of silly rules. A popular place for this money is spain. People like to go to spain and even contribute directly. And because Farnborough is miles from the sea no one even mentions all the fish have gone. But this is good for Farnborough as now they wont be bombed by the EU when there is a revolution, and as there are lots and lots of taxi drivers who work for the council they too can buy fast cars and lots of nice things for themselves and live in nice houses far far away from the dross.

Years of wrangling to bring a world class service.

This is because they no longer have to spend all their time waiting at bus stops for drunk customers or over-charge old ladies to get their shopping from tesco (well actually they still do that.)

Also it means their friends at Tesco who want to build a really big new warehouse close by, can put all their booze n bubbly in it, which they can fly in from their friends in Liebfraumilch and poland ready for the big recession, as this keeps everyone happy.

Also every couple of years or so, instead of splashing out on extra bubbly at their share holders, rushmoor staff and councillors have a jolly good time by using some left over council tax to help put on a special stand at the Farnborough air show. This typifies the selflessness of rushmoor by doing this right outside their offices to save peoples legs and cut down on traffic, but it does give all the local people in nearby Aldershot who save up all year, something to do on a Sunday when they would only be in a pub watching telly or beating their wives. Because Rushmoor and the gov. are clever, they know the people are stupid so they bring out all the special old stuff ready for public day. Although this world class attraction highlights the best of everything British in the 21st century It also shows off the latest top secret technology.