Aled Jones

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Aled Jones. Here's what he looked like prior to descending nuts.

Aled Jones used to be a cute blond-haired boy, who could sing really high notes. His most famous work was the accompaniment to the cartoon of Raymond Briggs' "The Snowman".

Singing Career[edit]

Not since Jimmy Osmond stormed the hearts of British female pensioners in the 70's, had so many old ladies frequented record shops. Across the nation, grannies could be heard saying "Why can't you be more like that lovely Aled Jones". He became universally despised by small boys for being a bit of an all round smart-arse.

He had 16 number one hits in Japan. But then the Japanese are hardly renowned for their musical taste. He recalled from his Japanese tour:

"There were thousands of screaming young girls at the airport. I thought, God, this is fantastic. But my chat-up lines were limited. I was there to narrate Hansel And Gretel and the only Japanese I knew was 'do you want to look round my gingerbread house?'"

Now I'm no expert, but that seems a red hot pick up line.

What Happened to Him[edit]

Here's Aled with fully descended nuts.

Like all small boys who sing in choirs, he was buggered senseless by the vicar, until his balls dropped.

No longer a cute, small boy, and now an offensive, sweaty teenager with a singing voice like that of a dog with its nuts in a vice, he fell out of favour with the public.

Aled Jones vanished from the public eye and became a presenter on Songs of Praise, which is pretty much the same thing. He now works in a fish and chip shop in Swansea.

His only friends are washed-up McCauley Culkin and soon to be washed-up, and fellow Welsh-person, Charlotte Church.

For those of you interested, he actually has a fan site. See Aled's website. Or you could get a life instead.

What Next For Aled?[edit]

With a perennial small income from "The Snowman", Aled hopes to become the first man to have his bollocks shoved back into his torso. He has yet to find a surgeon who is willing to risk a possible comeback by the squeaky-voiced Welsh twat. It is rumored he may have a secret sexual relationship with Michael Jackson which was recently discontinued after the Yucker Incident