Alice threw the Looking-glass

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Alice, beginning to get quite bored of sitting in prison with her whole family for a string of pocket watch thefts, and having grown quite high from huffing rabbits earlier that day, started slapping her mother and siblings upside the head with a handy looking glass. Moments later she infamously threw it at her father, decapitating him.

This was the second of two academic studies on the subject of female juvenile delinquency written by Huey Lewis and the Carols. The first in the series to be published was called Alice in Wonderland.

Shorter rhymes on the matter were later penned by Lewis for use as lullabies, most notoriously "Little Asbo Peep" which suffered from a tautological second line. The implication of the first verse that lost sheep would generally return home regardless of their negligent shepherding was disproved scientifically by ADAS officers leading to a further loss of credibility and the author's artistic licence being revoked. "Mary Mary quite contrary" was a less contentious verse but, unfortunately for Lewis, Mary knew some good lawyers and sued for defamation, going on to invent garden make-over programmes for British television.

Memorable Passages[edit]

...Alice in a haze lost site of her sole remaining personal possession. The opium to which all of her world resides. Pushing forward, deeper, into the lost woods with nothing but images of broken smiles from her Cheshire cat in the view. Mad with increasing confusion, and breath of staled wine, crawled into the simmering voices both near, and far. Alice let out a yell, only to find her moment of clarity.

The Mad Hatter appeared sitting at a spinning wheel, singing of gibberish.

"Alice have you found the light?", he inquired.

"No", Alice replied.

"Use mine", the Hatter insisted.

"I can't", she responded.

"Why?" asked the Hatter.

"In my moment of clarity I saw who you were. You are a mushroom", Alice offered.

"Too bad", the Hatter managed to speak before disappearing.

Alice awoke from her slumber. Free from her stupor, and fleeting darkness.

"Curious", Alice uttered as she thrust the covers from the bed, "Only a dream."

Alice saw her world had been restored, unassuming that the night would never yield.