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Language for the Alternate Universe
Good night all you non-existent people out there! As you know this is the alternate universe! So here's the report for the night! YOU STINK!
Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's Featured Article - Ceiling Cat
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More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
September 21: Cola Wars Armistice Day, International Sweat like a Rapist day
- 454 - Roman Emperor Valentinian III assassinates his general Aëtius after a dispute over the merits of Coke and Pepsi.
- 1066 - Harold is disgusted to find he has got sweat patches on his favour armour. As he is changing behind a tree a stealth agent shoots him in the eye.
- 1780 - American Revolutionary War: Benedict Arnold gives the British the plans to West Point and the secret formula to Coke.
- 1828 - That Guy, not This Guy is born in Lower Throat-Warbling, Kent
- 1918 - Treaty of Cadbury-Schwepps marks the cessation of violence in the first Cola War
- 1947 - The Coke plan is set up to aid falling Coca Cola sales in Europe. Pepsi will have none of this, condemming it as cola sales imperialism.
- 1952 - Pepsi introduces the "So much better than Coke that it makes me feel sick" plan, and sets up 'Pepsicon'. Coca Cola is banned from the USSR. This triggers the Cold Cola War.
- 1972 - Philippine President Ferdinand Marcos issues Proclamation No. 1081 placing the country under martial law and making Pepsi the official drink of the Phillipines.
- 1978 - Earth, Wind, and Fire remember the 21st night of September. They then proceed to drinking Coke.
- 1983 - Ferdinand Marcos directs a confused man to the local garage to purchase Pepsi.
- 1985 - Coca Cola invents Mountain Dew, Infringing on Pepsi's trademark, starting Cola War II.
- 1986 - Colonel Sanders surrenders his forces to PepsiCo at the Battle of Kentucky; Chicken Little announces that "the sky is falling!"
- 1987 - Hershey's mediates a treaty between Pepsi Cola and Coca Cola, ending Cola War II after much bloodshed in Central American plantations.
- 1992 - Coca Cola creates Dr peper, in a retaliation to Pepsi's Root Beer creation. The war continues with much hard earned, rapist like sweat
- 1998 - 7-Up nominated for Oscar
- 1999 - The impending Millennium celebrations force Royal Crown Cola to formulate a strategy to take down its opposition.
- 2001 - Rioting in Paris. Rioting ensues.
- 2006 - Royal Crown Cola declares war on Pepsi Cola and Coca Cola, proclaiming "Death to the American Capitalist Swine".
- 2007 - The day Tetris broke. Anti-bullying day occurs, the masses dress in pink and Pepto Bismol drips to death, pink unicycle spotted on national television.
- 2009 - Rola Cola assassinates Royal Crown Cola, Coca Cola and Pepsi, in that order, they never stood a chance.
- 2009 - Laugh at Rhys's misfortune day.
- 2010 - Highly anticipated racing game, Test Drive Unlimited 2, scheduled for release, but is postponed due to turbulent Coca Cola-Pepsi relations.
Deleter and Dino of the Day
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many
months years to come!
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