Amalgam Comics

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Amalgam Comics, also known as Dimwit Comics, Ripoff Comics, Bullshit Comics and Comics Comics are a multinational conglomerate of comic-book publishers who made their fortune by ripping off other people's work, putting them on par with other ripoff artists

Origin[edit]

The company was founded in 1916 by Merger Phyllis, a conman from New York. Phyllis had failed as a film producer, and decided to produce comics instead. When he noticed how movie makers easily rip off one another (or alternatively rip off sheets of toilet paper because such attempts were pure shit), Phyllis decided to try and become the first to rip off comic-book characters, and only got away with it because the Copywrighters were too busy swarming around Disneyland like flies over the production of Mary Poppins.

Any chance of some redeeming value in this pile of Crap yet?[edit]

Don't blame me, the Uncyclomedia Foundation doesn't pay me to write crap like this.

Anyway, Phyllis' first attempt at making a profit from a breach of copywright came when combining Green Lantern with a Donald Trump lookalike, forming Human Lantern. While Human Lantern remained the mascot of Amalgam Comics through until the 1930's, Phyllis' career didn't make much of a profit as his feeble, vain attempts were so laughable that very few ever bothered to actually buy his work.

After that, Amalgam Comics turned to more realistic characters, relying heavily on the Superhero genre for their comics. By the 1930's, Amalgam had three new flagship characters:

Despite being laughable, these three characters formed the basis for the future Amalgam Comics series, despite the fact that only Super Soldier raked in any money.

The War[edit]

When World War Two broke out, Amalgam Comics, on behalf of Woodrow Wilson, merged their leading characters into a single series as part of a propaganda drive for the American Empire. The All-Star Winners Comics range were the only Amalgam comics produced during World War Two, focusing on the All-Star Winners Squadron, a supposedly-elite team of superheroes fighting against Adolf Hitler and the British Empire (though not necessarily both at once).

Because of people being called up to fight, only a handful of comics were ever produced, and the series halted in 1944 on the orders of Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, should D-Day have failed.

The Atomic Age[edit]

Whilst Super Soldier remained unused after the war due to many artists dying in the final years of World War Two from certain boredom, Amalgam Comics struggled for ideas during the 1950's, barely scraping in a single cent per week.

When the Space Age began, Amalgam Comics attempted to write up a space series, Dash Daring, combining elements of Dan Dare, Flesh Gordon and Neil Armstrong, but it failed after the estate of Flesh Gordon caught wind of the project and threatened to sue, not because of copywright, but because his schlong hadn't been drawn properly.

But then, as if by chance, the Soviet Union threatened to invade Cuba, and Amalgam Comics was among the first to begin churning out anti-Communist propaganda. The sales, although still scathing because the characters were so crap, meant that Amalgam Comics was now raring to go for the '70s.

You call This redeeming value?[edit]

It gets better, believe me.

Now Amalgam Comics were a little more optimistic, they tried to clear up the mess left by Human Lantern, and came up with Iron Lantern. Iron Lantern, although a little (strike that, a lotta) crap, Iron Lantern was among the first successful characters, and was soon followed by Dark Claw, who has surpassed Super Soldier as the best comic-book character Amalgam created.

However, it must be noted that Dark Claw was not created on a whim either, but to clean up the mess left by Lobo the Duck, a vampire spoof created sometime earlier.

Contract with Fox Bros.[edit]

Following the revival of the comics, Amalgam took up a contract with the Fox Bros. Network to run several low-budget cartoons based on the leading comics. These included:

The overall cartoons were disastrous and did little for either company or their reputations. In my mind, it would've been better to avoid it altogether.

Movies[edit]

Not much to say about this bit. Super Soldier had several films starring Marlon Brando as Super Soldier (But the final film had Greg Louganis as the lead). And besides a rumour of Disney making a Dark Claw movie based on the works of Tex Avery, there's not much to say here.

Notable Issues[edit]

Hmm, tricky. There were several issues of Amalgam Comics made worth pointing out either because they were crappier than most, or simply because they had a script. If you've got any other ideas, then I'm all ears.

Characters[edit]

All these are split up by team purely because I haven't got the energy to type them all out as one huge list.

Judgement League: Avengers[edit]

JLX[edit]

X-Patrol[edit]

Challengers of the Fantastic[edit]

  • Ben "Rocky Horror" Grimm
  • Reed "Poof" Richards
  • Susan "Ace in Bed" Storm
  • Johnny "Red Ass" Storm

All-Star Winners Squadron[edit]

Independants[edit]

Minor Series[edit]

  • Dash Daring (Sci-fi series)
  • Kathy Ka-Blam (Rip off of Katie Ka-Boom)

New Amalgam Comics[edit]

In 2010, Marvel and DC decided to correct their predecessors' mistakes with much better amalgams that before. They include:

Heroes[edit]

Justice Avengers (Avengers + Justice League)[edit]

  • Super-Soldier (Captain America + Superman)
  • Iron Bat (Iron Man + Batman)
  • Thunder Woman (Thor + Wonder Woman)
  • Green Giant (Hulk + Green Lantern)
  • Silverflash (Quicksilver + Flash)
  • Scarlet Magician (Scarlet Witch + Zatanna)
  • Martian Vision (Vision + Martian Manhunter)
  • Aquariner (Sub-Mariner + Aquaman)
  • Hawk Arrow (Hawkeye + Green Arrow)

Teen Avengers (Young Avengers + Teen Titans)[edit]

  • Spider Boy (Spider-Man + Superboy)
  • Warwing (War Machine + Nightwing)
  • Red Giant (Stature + Starfire)
  • Cyber-Patriot (Patriot + Cyborg)
  • Beastling (Hulkling + Beast Boy)
  • Ravican (Wiccan + Raven)
  • Thunder Girl (Thor Girl + Wonder Girl)
  • Miss Vision (Vision II + Miss Martian)

Justice Four (Fantastic Four + Justice League)[edit]

  • Mr. Plastic (Mr. Fantastic + Plastic Man)
  • Dr. Invisible (Invisible Woman + Dr. Light II)
  • Human Nuke (Human Torch + Firestorm)
  • Bullething (Thing + Bulletman)

The Defending Society (Defenders + Justice Society)[edit]

  • Dr. Strangefate (Dr. Strange + Dr. Fate)
  • Silver Pariah (Silver Surfer + Pariah)
  • The Whiz (Whizzer + Flash [Jay Garrick])
  • Human Lantern (Human Torch android + Green Lantern [Alan Scott])
  • Dr. Dare (Daredevil + Dr. Mid-Nite)
  • Blue Satan (Son of Satan + Blue Devil)
  • Wild Puma (Puma + Wildcat)
  • Battlegirl and S.T.O.X. (Battlestar and Box + Stargirl & STRIPE)

The X-Patrol (X-Men + Doom Patrol)[edit]

  • Doc X (Prof. X + The Chief)
  • Logo the Wolf (Wolverine + Lobo)
  • Mindsye (Cyclops + Mento)
  • Elasti-Marvel/Phoenix Girl (Marvel Girl/Phoenix + Elasti-Girl)
  • Robust Man (Colossus + Robotman)
  • Storm Wizard (Storm + Weather Wizard)
  • Anti-Man (Bishop + Negative Man)
  • Beast Man (Beast + Animal Man)

The Legion of the Galaxy (Guardians of the Galaxy + Legion of Superheroes)[edit]

  • Adam Cosmic (Adam Warlock + Cosmic Boy)
  • Saturna (Gamora + Saturn Girl)
  • Quasar Lad (Quasar + Lightning Lad)
  • Spider-Boy 3099 (Spider-Man 2099 + Mon-El)
  • Martinex 5 (Martinex + Brainiac 5)
  • Ghost Girl (Ghost Rider 2099 + Phantom Girl)
  • Wolf-Hulk (Hulk 2099 + Timberwolf)
  • M.U.T.A.N.T. (Mutant 2099 + C.O.M.P.U.T.O.)

Independents[edit]

  • Elektra Wu-San (Elektra Natchios + Sandra Wu-San)
  • Demon Rider (Ghost Rider + Etrigan the Demon)
  • Platypus Chuck (Howard the Duck + Detective Chimp)
  • Punishunter (Punisher + Manhunter)
  • Swamp Man (Man-Thing + Swamp Thing)
  • Shadow Hawk and Light Dove (Cloak & Dagger + Hawk & Dove)

Villains[edit]

Secret Society of Evil (Masters of Evil + Secret Society of Super-Villains)[edit]

  • Thanoseid (Thanos + Darkseid)
  • Green Skull (Red Skull + Lex Luthor)
  • Vandal Von Doom (Dr. Doom + Vandal Savage)
  • Laugh Monger (Iron Monger + The Joker)
  • Cerki (Loki + Circe)
  • Black Shark (Tiger Shark + Black Manta)

The Brotherhood (...of Mutants + ...of Evil)[edit]

  • Magnetron (Magneto + The Brain)
  • Monsieur Grenouille (Toad + Monsieur Mallah)
  • Madam Bleu (Mystique + Madam Rouge)
  • Bloodfang (Sabertooth + Glonth)

Riot Corps (Riot Squad + Sinestro Corps)[edit]

  • Leadestro (The Leader + Sinestro)
  • Aron the Anti-Observer (Aron the Rogue Watcher + Anti-Monitor)
  • Baron Zongul II (Baron Helmut Zemo + Mongul II)
  • Broodlax (Brood + Parallax)
  • Fatal Man (Madman + Fatality)

The Sinister Six[edit]

  • Ecliptopus (Dr. Octopus + Eclipso)
  • Pyraptor (Vulture + Pyra)
  • Electrobolt (Electro + Deathbolt)
  • Mysterispell (Mysterio + Spellbinder)
  • Sand-Force (Sandman + Geo-Force)
  • Kraven the Cheetah (Kraven the Hunter + Cheetah III)

External links[edit]