Amber Alert Center for Missing and Exploited Textbooks

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The Amber Alert Center for Missing and Exploited Textbooks (AACMET) is a privately founded institution founded in 1852 in order to rescue kidnapped, abducted, or otherwise exploited textbooks, as well as to bring to justice the kidnappers of said textbooks.


For as long as there have been textbooks, there have been textbook rapists. When the first textbook was invented in 1852 by Johannes Gutenburg, it was kidnapped three days later. By the time police caught up to the textbook, it was scuffed, damaged, and even had it's spine brutally torn out. When asked why he would rape a textbook, the abductor confessed, "The sex was awesome, but the paper-cuts were less than satisfactory".

After this brutal incident, it was decided that the AACMET be formed. Since then, the AACMET has helped save the lives of over 4,000 kidnapped textbooks.

In Popular Culture[edit]

AACMET references are numerous in MMORPG's such as World of Warcraft, in which Amber (the name of the first kidnapped textbook) is presented as a minable substance.

The material in which a fosillized mosquito was found in Jurassic Park was also named after Amber.

Celebrity Involvement[edit]

AACMET has met with substantial celebrity involvement by such distinguished stars as Biggie Smalls and Tupac, both of whom were murdered by a wicked cult of bibliophiliacs. The name "Amber" is also a name predominant in disease carrying sluts.