Amnesia Islands

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The largest of the Islands of Amnesia, Nohknot Atoll.

The Amnesia Islands are an archipelago in the South Pacific. Located between Polynesia and Micronesia, Amnesia is the chain that cartographers always forget about.

History[edit]

Polynesians[edit]

Around 5000 years ago (more or less, nobody really remembers), the Great Polynesia Migration began, as the great seafaring people sailed the windswept steppes of the South Pacific in dugout canoes. Amnesia was settled when a hardy band of Polynesian explorers became lost, and separated from the larger flotilla. They came ashore on the main island of Nohknot Atoll. Unfortunately for the stranded explorers, the rest of the main body had completely forgotten about the group. The stranded group became the first inhabitants of Amnesia, but nobody but them knew it.

Europeans[edit]

Europeans first came to the area in the late 18th Century. During Tasman's great voyage for the Dutch, he became the first European to view the islands. He did not believe the islands merited notation in the ship's log. Therefore, no mention is made of the chain in any of his memoirs, because he forgot all about them.

Later, during the famous 5 year voyage of Captain James T. Cook, the islands were again sighted. As he had done in Tahiti, Cook went ashore in Amnesia when he discovered that the native women had not yet invented the bra. Unfortunately, on Amnesia, the syphilis that Cook had contracted on Tahiti ran its course through his brain. As his brain cells died, he lost all recollection of his time with the lovely natives, or the bastards he fathered there. Cook's maps that he drew on the back of a cocktail napkin were the only evidence of the chain's existence.

Amelia Earhart[edit]

Nearly two hundred years passed before the Islands gained prominence again. In her bid to fly around the world, Amelia Earhart was to make several stops in the Pacific. On of those stops was to be on Atoll Drinkawata in the Amnesia chain. Unfortunately for Earhart, as she took off from the Gilbert and Sullivan Islands, she forgot where she was supposed to go. Her navigator, Fred Noonan, in typical male fashion, refused to stop and get directions. Eventually, the plane ran out of fuel, and nothing was ever heard from the two again.

World War II[edit]

During World War II, The Japanese were conquering islands of military signifcance. Fortunatley for the Amnesians, there is no military significance in holding the Islands. Because of this backwater status, no Japanese invasion occurred, threfore there was no need for the Island-Hopping Campaign of Admiral Chester Nimitz.

Geography[edit]

The islands consist of the two main islands of Nohknot Atoll and Atoll Drinkawata. There are numerous smaller islands in the archipelago, but honestly, I don't remember them. The chain lies about 1000 miles off the coast of Australia, more or less. Did I already mention that they lie between Polynesia and Micronesia? Oh, well they do.

Wildlife[edit]

There's probably some wild pigs, and I'm pretty sure there's coconuts. Also some rare flowers and sea turtles which come every year to mate and the hatchlings are used as auxiallary toliet paper when palm leaves are short. A lucky but somewhat dazed visitor may encounter large monitor lizards which eat the tupikabig, a snall native deer which makes large burrows,meaning in Amneisian-speak "One semi-large deer y`know about three feet tall an` six foote' long which is good tucka' for them monitor lizards. Ya the bige' ones that Margee' spotted last year at the Yam Harvest. You don't `membar Margee' do ya? Oh nice gal an all a little crocidilly' looking but with them whitish teeth? You shure' you dunno' her? Oh! really nice gall! Like ta' call Margee' Sismpson? Ya' don't know the Simspons well lemme tell ya..."

Government[edit]

The Islands are a sovereign nation with a democratically elected Parliament. The current Prime Minister is Jimmy Superfly Snuka, remember? He was a wrestler back in the '80s! The capital is located somewhere on Nohknot Atoll. Recently, Snuuka's campaign to increase tourism to the Islands bore fruit when the Islands became the location for the telvision drama Lost