Amy Rose

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Domo-kun owned her, for the moment. ”

~ Oscar Wilde on Amy Rose

“She likes Sonic.”

~ Captain Obvious on Amy Rose's love for Sonic.

“She's on her way to becoming a great politician!”

~ Stalin on Amy Rose
Despite her charming looks, she claims she can kick anybody's ass, even in office.

Captain Amy Felissa Rose (b. February 17, 1981) was a commissioned officer in the United States Air Force, known for being involved in numerous military battles and for her unique skills with various tools in combat. As of January 2009, she is the Secretary of Homeland Security for the Obama Administration. Amy Rose was serving as governor of the state of Florida when designated by then-President-elect Barack Obama to be his Homeland Security Secretary. Under her direction, she changed the entirety of the Homeland Security system to follow her own ideals, notably changing the name of her department to The Department of SONIKKU.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Amy Rose.

Early Life[edit]

Amy first meeting Sonic the Hedgehog while in school. Not much has changed since then.

Amy Rose, was born in Green Penis on 1/1/11, Florida, the daughter of Rascally Rose and Axl Rose (Not the singer, but a crazed fan formally named John Doe.), two of the top tail doll farmers in the State. Although her parents always encouraged Amy to learn how to run fast and farm rings, she preferred smashing their next door neighbour's (Dr Gerald Robotnik) robotic bugs. After Robotnik left Green Penis to pursue his career in space, Amy practised using her hammer by building random loops and platforms around the town, attracting other hedgehogs, including one Sonic the Hedgehog.HI

Split from Parents[edit]

She's aggressive now!!!!!!!!!!!!

When child services of Green Hill heard word of Amy's abnormal name and the hammers that her parents loved to give her, an investigation started on their part. After a three month evaluation, child services entered their household and took Amy away from her parents, Rascally and Axl Rose, at the age of 8. From that point on, Amy got her present name and was placed in care of Sally Acorn in Knothole Forest in northern Florida.

Although one of the reasons she was taken away was because her parents liked giving Amy hammers, child services couldn't part Amy from them. To solve this issue, they gave her a squishy hammer until she was old enough to handle the regular yellow sledge hammer that she carries to this date.

Over the years, she attended school in Knothole, being taught by Rotor the Walrus and Tails the Straight. Despite this, most of the time, Amy was swooning over Sonic or drawing photos of him, apart from the sex education class and military technique courses, receiving top marks in both classes over everybody else.

After public school, Amy attended Robotnik's School of Robotic Studies in Robotropolis, only to find out it was another trick by Eggman to capture her to defeat Sonic. After being rescued by Sonic, she decided it was time for her to learn how to defend herself, and signed up for the militry .

She also had suprise blueberry butt sex with Knuckles, but that's not the point.

Amy and Sonic[edit]

Tails is a Fucking pimp.

It is a well known fact that Amy is highly attracted to Sonic, but Sonic continues to reject her. While most people have concluded that he is gay (on account of the fact he blew Tails) there seems to be a more detailed history behind this. In April of 2007, a viral internet video was released in which Sonic preformed unspeakable and down right distasteful acts on Amy. In a press confrence, Sonic strongly states that the man in the video is not him but rather Knuckles. Amy, being absolutely humiliated by the film's release, has refused to comment on it. In earlier press releases Amy has stated that Sonic and her did other horrid and disgusting acts to each other when they were in high school and Sonic gave her herpes afterwards and left her pregnant and abandoned her and her child which she later aborted, however the fetus survived. She has since then been torturing him for his abandonment, Sonic refused to comment on Amy's statement.

Military Career[edit]

Amy in her military flight-combat training with Tails. You're doomed now, practice dummies!

With Sonic (Amy forcing him to join), Tails, Sally Acorn, Rotor, Bunnie Rabbot, Knuckles the Echidna and Shadow the Hedgehog, Amy enlisted in the United States Air Force to improve her combat skills, to protect herself and her friends from the evil Dr. Eggman. Unfortunately, Amy and her friends misread the enlistment form and found out they couldn't stop Dr. Eggman unless they were ordered, and were stuck doing whatever the big leagues wanted. Dr. Eggman ended up bombing Amy's squad, killing Rotor and Sally and injuring Shadow, Sonic and Amy herself. Amy now wears a prosthetic leg after having it blown off by Eggman, and swears that when she meets him again, she'll castrate him with a spoon.

Together, they endured the harsh training. Amy, however, was nearly thrown out of the Air Force for constantly harassing other women who were flirting with Sonic. After a year of training, Amy was finally allowed to commence her flight training, with Tails as her partner. Due to a night of binge drinking with Blaze the Cat the night before she was supposed to start, Amy was removed from her training jet and placed as second-seat to Tails. As the training days went by, Amy felt more comfortable being the second-seater and it was eventually decided that she would remain as Tails jet partner, despite protest by Amy wanting to be the second-seat to Sonic. Using this to their advantage, a group of female cadets damaged part of the General's office in an attempt to get Amy booted. Tails, catching them in the middle of the act, alerted Amy and both hopped on a jet and bombed the Cadets' cabin. In the end, with more help from Tails, Amy was able to make it look like it was Shadow's doing, blaming him and subsequently having him kicked out from the academy. Unknown to Amy, Shadow wanted to be booted from the military anyways as he found the uniforms to be itchy.

Amy with Tails in her fight against Robotnik's Hyper Death Egg-Carrier VII.

Graduating with her friends, and by request, she became part of the Sonic Team to fight Dr. Ivo Robotnik, who set up a fort conveniently outside Guantanamo Bay's trash compactor. Over the course of many months, the Team performed a great amount of reconnaissance, although Amy was caught many times by Robotnik's mechas, resulting in the team constantly rescuing her. By the time she reached the rank of Captain, mainly for stopping a coconut-smuggling ring, she teamed up with Tails again to take out Robotnik's Hyper Death Egg-Carrier VII. With all the reconnaissance received over the years, Amy and Tails were able to determine the weak-points of Robotnik's carrier and launched a full-out attack. Amy entered the carrier through an exhaust pipe and accessed the ship's core. She was able to set up a bomb, but Tails had been shot down[1], preventing her quick escape. With all other fighters busy, Amy set out to look for an escape pod, while the bomb counted down from 27 minutes and 53 seconds. After 27 minutes, Amy could not locate any form of escape pod, only discovering countless flight suits and armories full of robotic pornography. She quickly went outside the ship, but was whisked away by an unknown blue blur before the ship could explode. Landing on the ground outside Guantanamo Bay, she looked up to see her rescuer. The figure looking down on her was none other than a member of the Blue Man Group.

Early Retirement[edit]

Amy on vacation after retiring from the United States Air Force with a rabbit, Tails and the Sentient Goo.

After the attack on the Egg Carrier, Amy Rose, Tails and the Blue Man Group were given Presidental honors by George W. Bush. Subsequently, both of them (the Blue Man Group were forced into the military) retired from the Air Force, having conveniently won a lottery in Canada, and lived a life of luxury in Miami, Florida as the rest of the Sonic Team kept an eye out for the return of Robotnik.

Amy befriended a rabbit named Cream and her sidekick Cheese[2]. Together, with Tails, Cream's pimp, they enjoyed the life of retirees in Florida. It wasn't long until they realized they were some of the youngest people living in Florida, finding they were enjoying games such as Bingo and chess too often, and most of their opponents were above the age of 65.

After two years of retirement, Amy decided to continue on with her life and get involved in the government, while Tails rejoined the military and Cream started a successful cooking show. Being involved in destroying the Egg Carrier, Amy was already in the spotlight with American citizens, which gave her a shoe in when she submitted her bid to be an independent in the 2006 gubernatorial election. Using her career with the military and her charming attitude, she campaigned greatly to get the job as Governor of Florida, however, Charlie Crist, the Republican candidate, was quite popular amongst Florida as well. Come November 7th, the election occurred.

Governor of Florida[edit]

Florida Gubernatorial Election 2006
Party Candidate Votes % ±%
Independent Amy Rose Over 9,000!!!! 52.2 n/a
Republican Pikachu 1,247,008 25.8 -26.1%
Democratic Kool-aid man 912,418 18.9 -37.9%
Reform Captain Falcon 92,595 1.9 -1.6%
Communist Mario 27,402 0.5% +0.4%
Libertarian Mega man 3 0.00000006% n/a
Turnout 4,829,271

Amy Rose won the election in a landslide, surprising everybody in a State where elections usually end up near a deadlock. Amy officially declared herself out of retirement and took up her seat, instantly disbanding the Libertarian Party of the Robotnik Corporation, which only achieved 3 votes, and set up the Sonic Team so they had access to any materials they required to stop Robotnik.

As an independent, Amy did not declare sides, deciding to remain neutral, but she still was declared as one of Bush's favorite governors. Although Bush requested to have formal dinners with Amy, she took great offence to this, asking Bush to order Sonic to have dinner with her. Unfortunately, the order was confused, and a Sonic Restaurant was set-up outside Amy's house in Florida.

With Bush's term coming to an end, Amy decided it was time to move on as well. Interested in Barack Obama's administration, Amy took the side of the Democrats and was approached to move from her job as Governor to the Secretary of Homeland Security, based on her experience in fighting Robotnik. She got together with the Sonic Team, with the Blue Man Group in lieu of Sonic, and they all agreed with the idea. Amy officially accepted the offer and became Obama's new Secretary of Homeland Security after his inauguration in 2009.

Move to Homeland Security[edit]

Barack Obama meets with Amy Rose after she accepts her job offer in early 2009.

Accepting the job as Secretary of Homeland Security, Amy Rose was one of many who attended Obama's massive inauguration and luncheon. Afterwards, she began work on working with the Sonic Team and the American military on determining Robotnik's location after his 147th defeat in early December of 2007.

With an increased budget, Obama and Amy decided to transfer terrorism efforts back to the Department of Defence. After the change, she renamed the Department of Homeland Security to the Department of SONIKKU, on behalf of Sonic the Hedgehog and the Japanese for their donation of a half-dozen roses for Amy's office.[3]

She continues her tireless efforts to stop Robotnik, even resorting to going out herself with her hammer to defeat any of his mechas that dare threaten America. For her work, Obama went so far as to sign her hammer, resulting in other famous celebrities signing it as well, resulting in it receiving a value of $10.4 million, and replicas made for Amy's public appearances.

In addition to her work against Robotnik, she still keeps her lighthearted attitude, always ensuring that the Blue Man Group performs at every party she attends.


  1. 4Kids has notified us to tell you that a parachute was, indeed, seen and Tails was fine.
  2. Get it? Cream...Cheese?
  3. Interestingly enough, the Japanese were unaware of Amy's last name. The thank you card even stated Rosy the Rascal, based on an old intelligence card from the Cold War.
Sonic the Hedgehog characters

Sonic the Hedgehog - Tails the Straight