Angel of Dorian Grey

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A photo of Dorian Grey taken three months before her death.

The Angel of Dorian Grey is the soul, or ghost, of the deceased Dorian Grey that has remained behind in the mortal realm in order to haunt, but mostly just irritate, others who may come across her, like bear. She can also be helpful occasionally. Of the most historical importance was when she fixed the billions of dollars worth of property damage done to cars by the diamond rains during the Best Week Ever. She is also known to help Honda mechanics and is an active volunteer in community service. People for some reason often mistake the Angel of Dorian Grey for the Virgin Mary. She is not, and has recently grown weary of people mistaking her identity.

The Grey Angel is the angel of Dorian Grey, a frumpy, dorky middle-school student who died in mysterious circumstances in her science classroom. After she was ordained an angel, Dorian Grey was assigned the job of the Grey Angel, or, the Angel of Depression.


The Young Grey Angel[edit]

One of the distinguishing charateristics of the younger Grey Angel were her smaller wings which she, of course, complained about.

The young Grey Angel was an unattractive girl. She resisted all attempts by her female peers to give her a makeover, and, despite the attempts of the motherly angels to get her to do otherwise, the Grey Angel insisted on always wearing the same unflattering, grey dress. The morning was the only time she seemed at all concerned with how she looked. Her choice of all grey makeup didn't do much for her face though. It was all for naught, however, since she was guaranteed to cry and smear the makeup at least fifteen minutes after applying it.

Her gray dress eventually showed too much wear from being worn so often. It got tear marks around the knees. The Grey Angel refused to get a new dress, insisting that the knee-tears were only a new part of her style. When things got out of hand, the mother angels forced the Grey Angel to buy a new dress from Target. Despite the fact that it was the exact same gray dress, the Grey Angel complained that it didn't fit her well and was uncomfortable.

The Grey Angel spent most of her time sitting around and moping about the fact that she didn't have developed wings yet. She also whined about her last name at one point in her life, eventually being so trouble that she actually started going as the Gray Angel during an especially troubled period of her life. During one especially troubled period she even started going by Greay Angel. The Grey Angel prefers not to mention these periods of her life.

The young Grey Angel never had any cool birthday parties. In fact, her birthday celebrations were never actually parties at all. Usually she would simply walk to Starbucks by herself and by herself a hot chocolate and a slice of pound cake and eat alone while listening to the depressed playlist on her iPod.

The young Grey Angel also went through an eccentric phase where she became an ardent PETA activist. She became a vegetarian and was arrested multiple times for trying to "liberate" lobsters from her local Albertson's. Eventually she gave in to her strong urges to eat Jell-O, despite the fact that it is made with animal bones. After giving in to her carnal urges the Grey Angel gave up on vegetarianism for good.

The Grey Angel as an Adult[edit]

One might assume that becoming 21 and therefore an adult angel might be a happy moment in the Grey Angel's life, but only if one was stupid. Insted the Grey Angel chose to whine about the overbearing responsilities she expected would come from becoming an adult.

Despite her whining, the Grey Angel was not actually given any new responsibilities as an adult. She had the same old job of acting depressed and whining about everything. As an adult, the Grey Angel began to take a bit more pride in her job. She saw her ability to act depressed as a kind of art that she would perfect. Thus she began the best years of her career as the Grey Angel, the years that would make her a legend.

The Grey Angel became well known for her appearances to residents of New England during the New England winter. Not surprisingly, she chose this as the appropriate place and time due to how miserably gray New England can be during the winter. The most favored methods of appearing by the Grey Angel were during heavy fog, when she would walk lightly around on the dewy sidewalks, apparent to others only as a momentary spectre.

Cause of Death[edit]

Before becoming a dying and becoming a ghost, Dorian Grey was a likable, although dorky middle-school student. She was unexpectedly found dead in a science classroom, apparently having drowned in a goldfish bowl. Foul play has been suspected, especially since the discovery of knife-wounds in the ribs of the body.

Post-Death, Pre-Angel Antics[edit]

After dying, Dorian Grey's spirit chose to haunt the science classroom her death had occured in. She would scare the later students out by making moaning noises, especially during the silence that typifies the classroom during tests for maximum effect. The ghost would hide out in the faucets at the lab tables and seriously freak people out when they needed to use water somehow for an experiment. The classes pet frog went missing often and was always found near the playground outside the school. Since she is an ardent PETA activist, people suspect that Dorian Grey was continually attempting to free the frog

Entree into Angelhood[edit]

We mortals can only speculate what forces were at work when Dorian Grey was entered into angelhood, but we do know that she moved swiftly up the angel hiearchy and is now a well-respected archangel, suggesting that the big guy may have been at work. Her angel name is Mulaan, but she is also known as the Grey Angel. The latter title derives not only from her surname, but from the fact that she is a rather whiny, depressed girl who always feels like crying.

Though the reasons for entering into angelhood are not directly known, it happened to Dorian Grey about three years after she died, which was on 3/3/1337. The presence of threes certainly suggests divine interaction, as does the year of her death, 1337, a year noted for being the year of Europe's Second Renaissance that pumped font of creativity in a verse also called 1337. Many, therefore, believe that Dorian's death was an act of God and that he has some sort of use for her we have yet to realize. It could be that he simply picked her to fix cars during 1927 and serve as the Grey Angel thereafter, but if so, he put in a whole lot of effort to get somone to do a job you could train a chimp to do.

Working as the Grey Angel[edit]

A statue carved in the likeness of the Grey Angel. She was unhappy with how it was finished, and so she complained.

As the Grey Angel it is vital that Dorian look depressed and keep up a steady stream of tears. (The slow teers that roll down your cheek, not the sobbing, hysterical, breaking-up-with-your-girlfriend tears.) Her disposition should be, what some have described as, "almost emo". She doesn't want to have over-the-top approach that lets everyone know she's just pretending to be upset for attention, rather, she has to have the kind of broken, empty look that those people who sit alone in the high school cafeterias have.

Other requirements for the Grey Angel: