Animorphs

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“I'd Like A Happy Meal, With Extra Happy”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Sharing

Introduction[edit]

A Book Cover Showing All The Important Characters Of The Series, That's David Near The Bottom

The Animorphs is a series of books that numbers into a little over 110965.56. Its authors include K. A. Applegate, Gene Roddenberry and many others, though most of the credit usually goes to the former.

The true story of a group of teenagers who get the power to morph into animals when a drugged out alien accidentally lands on earth and gives it to them. The alien was then chomped up by another alien who must have been high on morph-sex; which, unknown to the unsuspecting children, was the sole purpose of the alien giving them the power - so that he could 'interact' with them. Before dying the alien cried out:

"Fuck Them Good"

The children brooded over this and found the solution to the ambiguous last words of the deceased alien. They then proceeded to 'acquire' animals by copulating them. In the process they got so addicted that they took turns turning into animals and copulating each other. Thus began animal porn. One day, after an especially demanding orgy, the ghost of the alien came to Tobias and told him to get his 'ass moving' as some sundry slug-like aliens had taken over Earth. High on life, Tobias asks him to 'fuck off'. Angered, the alien turns Tobias into a red-tailed hawk, and tells him:

"TOBIAS!!!! I'm your father. But now that you're a hawk and don't got a chance with that blonde chick, don't go around telling people. Oh yeah, take care of those yeerks will ya? Ta!"

The Story[edit]

It all starts when one night, Jake and his gang had stolen porn magazines from his parents' closet. To peruse through at their leisure they head to an abandoned construction site, notorious for its crimes. As the boys were drooling, from several body parts, over pictures of nude blonds and the girls were exclaiming at the sight of Manuel Landeta's organ, a light tears through the night and an alien spacecraft shaped like a mushroom crashes into their hiding place. Out of this came an alien who looked like a cross between a deer, scorpion, human, snail and some abomination with no mouth. He asks if he can have a look at the magazine the boys were reading. Intrigued, he gives them the power to morph into animals of their choice. This is achieved by each of them holding his penis in his/her hand and repeating a secret mantra of the alien's construction. The alien is about to begin, (he even tells them his name is Elfangor) when another spaceship, shaped like a phallus crashes into the place. Out comes the evil ruler of the galaxy: Visser 3, supreme, that is, after Visser 1 and 2. The story then gets dreary, with Visser 3 and his horde of slaves eat Elfangor slowly and painfully.

An Excellent Example Of Yeerk Porn. Face Censored On Request Of Subject.

The next 110965 books go on to explain the animal-human, human-animal and animal-animal orgies. It is in the books .01 to .56 that they discover the Yeerks are trying to take over the porn industry and replace it with Yeerk porn. They had placed moles in the organizations under the code name Controllers. Infuriated, the Animorphs launch an all out war, recruiting more members for their cause and eventually defeating the Yeerks.



Hidden And Deep Messages[edit]

One of the most prominent and moving meanings prevalent through the series is that against oppression. It is clear to the average reader that the author intends to imply that no matter what people or governments do, they cannot subdue porn. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking of such genius [wipe].


After their victory, the Animorphs all became celebrities. We now know them as Jake Gyllenhaal, Rachel McAdams, Tobias "Tobey" Macguire, Marco Polo, and some black chick nobody cares about.


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