Annual 'Lethal weapon of the year' prize
"Yo' momma's the Lethal weapon of the year.......in BED!!11!1eleven11. Awwwwwww yeah!"
The Annual 'Lethal weapon of the year' prize is an award awarded each year to the person, group or corporation responsible for the most lethal advances in technology in the previous calendar year.
The Annual 'Lethal Weapon of the Year' prize was established by Mr.T in 1962 to aid development of lethal weaponry in the world. Since population on the Earth is growing rapidly, it is necessary to exterminate much of the populace and thereby provide "lebensraum" or "living space" for the rest of human race. There are approximately more than 6 billion people living on our overcrowded planet, and it is advisable to kill yourself and let others use your life resources. There were always few volunteers, but not many people are eager to help others this way, so developing lethal weapons is highly welcome..
Mr. T serves as the award announcer every year. And that makes us happy. Everything that includes him makes people happy. Because were it the other way, his ridiculously powerful punch would be used on us.
What are the rules?
Of course, if you think that you own a lethal weapon that could win this prize, you must obey the few existing rules. To be eligible for the contest, weapon must do the following:
- Kill more people than the other weapons that year (scaring to death, forcing to suicide or causing ear bleeding doesn't count).
- If the weapon is fart, the percent of ricinus in it must be counted (if it contains above 25,00913%, will be disqualified).
- If the weapon is burp, the percent of sausages or onion in it must be counted (if it contains above 25% of one or other, will be disqualified. Mixed, it mustn't contain more than 17,89%).
- Candidates MUSTN'T take part in Nobel Peace Prize contest.
- Candidates mustn't lie. (oh, yes, there is also a polygraph test!)
- It is advisable to have beard.
- However, do not plagiarize George Michael! Doing this will force jury and audience to fuck you in the ass.
- If contestant comes from an eastern-bloc country, he/she first must pass a 'Prove that you're not a social fool' test.
- If contestant comes from Sri Lanka, Chile or Iceland, he/she will automatically be disqualified.
And the winner is...
Since 1962 the award ceremony has been taking its place in villages, towns, cities and other kinds of dumps all over the world. This table contains information about unforgettable years, people, weapons, events, showing younger people arguably the brightest parts of human history. Every 25 December, the awards are broadcast live on Russian MTV (except when Madonna releases a new video). The only constant member of jury is its master - Chuck Norris. He is also a main speaker, announcer, and no decision can be made by other members of jury without his permission.
|Year||Winner||Host city and nation|
|1962||Umlaut monster**||Kabul, Afghanistan|
|1963||Urho Kekkonen's glasses||Baghdad, Iraq|
|1964||German fart||Vladivostok, Soviet Russia|
|1965||Haitian fart||Popochatepetl, Mexico|
|1966||Chicago Bulls||Bre(a)st, France|
|1967||Borscht||Somewhere in China|
|1969||Angry Aztecs||Tallinn, Estonian SSR|
|1970||Machine gun Nipples||unknown***|
|1971||Chinchilla||Karl Marx-stadt, East Germany|
|1972||Borscht||Hyung Myung Bo, West Korea|
|1973||Nutter Bomb Biscuit Sandwiches||Guantananananabe, Left Zambonia|
|1974||Borscht||Llanfairpwllgwyngyll gogerychwyrndrobwllllanty siliogogogoch, Wales|
|1975||Steven Seagal's evil twin brother||Warsaw, Poland|
|1976||Scrotum-kick (in absentia)****||Eastern of Heaven|
|1977||Scrotum-kick (in absentia)||Anywhere|
|1980||Boredom||Washington DC, India|
|1982||Scrotum-kick (in absentia)||Dikembemutombo, Black African republic|
|1983||Agriculture||An unpronounceable city in Myanmar|
|1984||Eye Beams||Kilimanjaro, Sweden|
|1985||Bitch slap||New Old Shit City, Australia|
|1986||Carpet bombing||A nameless village in Kekkoslovakia|
|1987||Oprah Winfrey's burp||Cockojumboville, Gaylandia|
|1988||Birth of a retarded girl||Hiroyamamoto, Japan|
|1989||Scrotum-kick (in absentia)||Kakanj, Bosnia|
|1990||Danish flag||Rigoletto, Latvia|
|1991||Shotgun that fires killer-sheep that spit poisonous fireballs||Nashville, Albania|
|1992||Urho Kekkonen's glasses (posthumously)||Atlantis city, Atlantis|
|1993||Roman legions||Paris, Hilton|
|1994||Gyulash with cottonic acid||Schwarchzwürchwaldovia, Mali|
|1995||Bacon fat||Weltschmerz, Byzantium|
|1996||Gyulash with cottonic acid||Saft, Easterndogshitpseudopomerania|
|1997||Happy Fun Ball||Tokyo, Japan|
|1998||Happy Fun Ball||Tokyo, Japan|
|2000||An Angsty Teenager with a Ridiculously Large sword and Spiky Hair||A Hamlet in Nothern Bavaria|
|2001||A Picture Of Chuck Norris's Roundhouse Kick||Somewhere in Texas|
|2002||Tank that shoots swords full of bombs made of scorpions that shoot bullets tipped with cyanide||Crater in Nevada|
|2003||Spongebob Squarepants||Burbank, California|
|2004||Chuck Norris||A corn field in Nebraska|
|2005||Chuck Norris||Seattle, WA|
|2006||Chuck Norris||Grafton, WI|
|2007||iPod yocto||Silicon Valley, CA|