Annual 'Lethal weapon of the year' prize

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

"Yo' momma's the Lethal weapon of the year.......in BED!!11!1eleven11. Awwwwwww yeah!"

~ Yo' momma joke on Bed
The Order of Lethality

The Annual 'Lethal weapon of the year' prize is an award awarded each year to the person, group or corporation responsible for the most lethal advances in technology in the previous calendar year.

Origins[edit]

The Annual 'Lethal Weapon of the Year' prize was established by Mr.T in 1962 to aid development of lethal weaponry in the world. Since population on the Earth is growing rapidly, it is necessary to exterminate much of the populace and thereby provide "lebensraum" or "living space" for the rest of human race. There are approximately more than 6 billion people living on our overcrowded planet, and it is advisable to kill yourself and let others use your life resources. There were always few volunteers, but not many people are eager to help others this way, so developing lethal weapons is highly welcome..

Mr. T serves as the award announcer every year. And that makes us happy. Everything that includes him makes people happy. Because were it the other way, his ridiculously powerful punch would be used on us.

What are the rules?[edit]

Of course, if you think that you own a lethal weapon that could win this prize, you must obey the few existing rules. To be eligible for the contest, weapon must do the following:

Since 1987, Mel Gibson and Danny Glover have made occasional appearances at the award ceremonies. Their continued survival remains a testament to T's self-control.
  1. Kill more people than the other weapons that year (scaring to death, forcing to suicide or causing ear bleeding doesn't count).
  • If the weapon is fart, the percent of ricinus in it must be counted (if it contains above 25,00913%, will be disqualified).
  • If the weapon is burp, the percent of sausages or onion in it must be counted (if it contains above 25% of one or other, will be disqualified. Mixed, it mustn't contain more than 17,89%).
  1. Candidates MUSTN'T take part in Nobel Peace Prize contest.
  2. Candidates mustn't lie. (oh, yes, there is also a polygraph test!)
  3. It is advisable to have beard.
  4. However, do not plagiarize George Michael! Doing this will force jury and audience to fuck you in the ass.
  5. If contestant comes from an eastern-bloc country, he/she first must pass a 'Prove that you're not a social fool' test.
  6. If contestant comes from Sri Lanka, Chile or Iceland, he/she will automatically be disqualified.

And the winner is...[edit]

Since 1962 the award ceremony has been taking its place in villages, towns, cities and other kinds of dumps all over the world. This table contains information about unforgettable years, people, weapons, events, showing younger people arguably the brightest parts of human history. Every 25 December, the awards are broadcast live on Russian MTV (except when Madonna releases a new video). The only constant member of jury is its master - Chuck Norris. He is also a main speaker, announcer, and no decision can be made by other members of jury without his permission.

Year Winner Host city and nation
1962 Umlaut monster** Kabul, Afghanistan
1963 Urho Kekkonen's glasses Baghdad, Iraq
1964 German fart Vladivostok, Soviet Russia
1965 Haitian fart Popochatepetl, Mexico
1966 Chicago Bulls Bre(a)st, France
1967 Borscht Somewhere in China
1968 Borscht Quito, Ecuador
1969 Angry Aztecs Tallinn, Estonian SSR
1970 Machine gun Nipples unknown***
1971 Chinchilla Karl Marx-stadt, East Germany
1972 Borscht Hyung Myung Bo, West Korea
1973 Nutter Bomb Biscuit Sandwiches Guantananananabe, Left Zambonia
1974 Borscht Llanfairpwllgwyngyll gogerychwyrndrobwllllanty siliogogogoch, Wales
1975 Steven Seagal's evil twin brother Warsaw, Poland
1976 Scrotum-kick (in absentia)**** Eastern of Heaven
1977 Scrotum-kick (in absentia) Anywhere
1978 Borscht Behind you
1979 Borscht Kjustendil, Bulgaria
1980 Boredom Washington DC, India
1981 Borscht Unknown**
1982 Scrotum-kick (in absentia) Dikembemutombo, Black African republic
1983 Agriculture An unpronounceable city in Myanmar
1984 Eye Beams Kilimanjaro, Sweden
1985 Bitch slap New Old Shit City, Australia
1986 Carpet bombing A nameless village in Kekkoslovakia
1987 Oprah Winfrey's burp Cockojumboville, Gaylandia
1988 Birth of a retarded girl Hiroyamamoto, Japan
1989 Scrotum-kick (in absentia) Kakanj, Bosnia
1990 Danish flag Rigoletto, Latvia
1991 Shotgun that fires killer-sheep that spit poisonous fireballs Nashville, Albania
1992 Urho Kekkonen's glasses (posthumously) Atlantis city, Atlantis
1993 Roman legions Paris, Hilton
1994 Gyulash with cottonic acid Schwarchzw├╝rchwaldovia, Mali
1995 Bacon fat Weltschmerz, Byzantium
1996 Gyulash with cottonic acid Saft, Easterndogshitpseudopomerania
1997 Happy Fun Ball Tokyo, Japan
1998 Happy Fun Ball Tokyo, Japan
1999 Insanity Manchester, England
2000 An Angsty Teenager with a Ridiculously Large sword and Spiky Hair A Hamlet in Nothern Bavaria
2001 A Picture Of Chuck Norris's Roundhouse Kick Somewhere in Texas
2002 Tank that shoots swords full of bombs made of scorpions that shoot bullets tipped with cyanide Crater in Nevada
2003 Spongebob Squarepants Burbank, California
2004 Chuck Norris A corn field in Nebraska
2005 Chuck Norris Seattle, WA
2006 Chuck Norris Grafton, WI
2007 iPod yocto Silicon Valley, CA