Anthony Burgess

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Anthony Burgess was a famous British author the only one of whose works I've actually read was "A Clockwork Orange," although he is reputed to have written a number of unprofessional and generally useless books and nearly a dozen essays and book reviews, published in compendium by Playboy. Although critics were quick to point out similarities between his life and that of his creation, in reality Anthony Burgess was based on A Clockwork Orange, not the other way round. He spent much of his later life trying to make himself look as much like a coffee-stained paperback copy of the novel as possible, wrecking his arteries and almost losing the vision in his left eye.

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Anthony Burgess.

He attended college at Jolly Ole Devonshire State University, majoring in English Language, mostly because he was never able to speak english fluently. As an English major, Burgess never expected to find a worthwhile or satisfying job, but did meet the love of his life, James Joyce, another nearly-illiterate Britisher who described the intense circumstances of their meeting in his novel Ulysses. As with Clockwork Orange, no one really knows what the hell Joyce was talking about and in likelihood he was suffering from opium withdrawal. Dozens of incompetent and insignificant authors have devoted their lives trying to understand the mad ravings of Joyce's opium- and Burgess-riddled mind.

Burgess had, for the duration of his life, severely repressed psychosexual fantasies, which included but were not limited to raping his wife and deviant and lurid experiences with hamsters and, sometimes gerbils.

Notable Facts[edit]

  • Burgess was illiterate and unable to speak until the age of 15, and consequently had little facility with language.
  • Burgess is only able to speak a pidgin composed mostly of russian and english slang. Few people really know what the hell he was talking about most of the time, and it seems sheer coincidence that this pidgin fit the mood and setting of the story.
  • Burgess was mentally retarded and was born with no toes.