John Aaron

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John W. Aaron is a former NASA engineer and flight attendant during the Apollo program. He is widely credited with having saved the Apollo 13 near disaster.

Early life[edit]

As a boy, he was known for being somewhat of a prankster. Certain accounts tell of him going as far as launching rockets into space, and then doing a good job bringing them back into orbit. Many experts believe that these early childhood behaviors may have led to him launching the Apollo 13n

airline pilot, but set his sights higher than that.
"I realised early on that Frank had already done the airline pilot, and I was thinking big. It seemed obvious to me that the way to better that was to blag my way into flying to the moon."

Aaron's first attempt to get into the space program was foiled by a simple security check, but his brief insider view of mission control taught him that had to obtain a proper security pass to get anywhere near a Saturn V rocket. After responding to an email he received and obtaining a "genuine college degree" for just 20 dollars, he got himself assigned to the EECOM post for the uneventful Apollo 12 mission.

Apollo 13[edit]

Much like the real Apollo 13 mission, every attempt at humor in this particular section met with disaster. Fortunately, Aaron spotted this and, as a "Steely-Eyed-Missile-Man"--er, more like a normal guy sitting in his underwear in his mom's basement--successfully rescued this section.

Regrettably, actual details of the actual mission are sketchy (after all, the crummy spacecraft blew up--more or less). The reader is asked to consult Tom Hanks or, for a fee, Ed Harris.

Later career[edit]

After working for more than fifteen years in an earnest effort to redeem himself, he was finally given the chance to redeem himself, when he was put in charge of the solid rocket boosters for the 1986 Challenger space shuttle mission. Alas, things didn't go according to plan and following the destruction of Challenger, he was permanently removed from the space program. This is actually untrue as he was instead anally raped. Shut up Meg!!!


Aaron settled down with his wife and children in Florida and continued to lead a quiet life until his sudden disappearance in 2003. The last confirmed sighting of Aaron was in mid January, when he was seen entering the flight uniform storage depot at NASA headquarters. NASA issued a formal statement in October of the same year denouncing reports that he had been seen on the launch tower shortly before shuttle Colombia launched as "pure speculation."

See also[edit]