April 11: National Backwards Helmet Day, International "EugeneKay's Penis Awareness Day"
- 48 - Holy Belly Button Lint discovered in ditch near Golgotha.
- 641 - Sliced bread invented.
- 642 - Toast invented.
- 643 - First slice of buttered toast dropped on floor.
- 644 - Inventor of Toast and Sliced Bread is burned at the stake for Heresy and Witchcraft.
- 1492 - First slice of jelly bread thrown into someone's face.
- 1493 - First execution for accidentally throwing a slice of jelly bread into the face of the King
- 1667 - The blind, impoverished John Milton sells the copyright of Paradise Lost for £10 and buys a Milkshake.
- 1667 - On his way home John Milton is robbed; while lying devastated on the ground he heard the robber shouting victoriously "I Drink Your Milkshake!" while running away.
- 1775 - Germany runs out of people to accuse of witchcraft and execute, and begins brainstorming on who to meaninglessly kill next.
- 1904 - Albert Einstein discovers that he's related to his sister
- 1905 - Einstein publishes a book about his relation and relationship with his sister and subsequently wins the Nobel prize.
- 1965 - Sharon Stone turns 60.
- 1969 - Satan invents Disco
- 1984 - Mr. Rogers flips out and assassinates the Thomas the Tank Engine.
- 1999 - Rain of Tears memorial, mass suicides after first showing of Gigli
- 2009 - Somebody who actually cares for this holiday puts his helmet on backwards. His bike is immediately stolen because he can't see.
- 2010 - EugeneKay's penis is featured all over Uncyclopedia