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- 0 - The world's first April 25th was celebrated. Nostradamus predicts the world's first April 26th to occur a day later. He later predicts the birth of Jimbo Wales and the creation of Wikipedia, but no one believes him due to the idea of both being so stupid.
- 908 - A horde of plus-sized Vikings raid the east coast of Britain and set up a new IKEA store.
- 1301 - First known use of the phrase "I don't give a shit" thought to have been said somewhere around London, England.
- 1607 - Dutch Commando Dykes led by Hans Solo destroy the anchored Spanish fleet.
- 1847 - The last survivors of the Donner Party are out of the wilderness. Shortly after, the first McDonners resturant opens. First item on the menu: McRib.
- 1862 - The worlds first battery operated fork is created; two million die during its first use.
- 1859 - Ground is broken for the Suez Canal. Israelis and Egyptians immediately begin fighting over who owns the hole.
- 1915 - Australians invade Turkey, only to piss off next year.
- 1918 - Turks invade Australia, but have stayed permanantly to drive taxis.
- 1921 - Fattest US president in history, William Howard Taft, eats a steak.
- 1950 - The Michelin Man Ii born.
- 1955 - The first McDonalds is opened.
- 1956 - "Obesity" is a recognized health problem.
- 1957 - Overweight Appreciation day is upgraded to Obesity Appreciation Day, whilst Overweight Appreciation Day changes to 25th December.
- 1986 - First annual (and only) all-night Soviet Power Plant Workers' Tetris competition held.
- 1990 - Astronauts deploying the Hubble Space Telescope drop it on the way out the door, knocking it slightly out of focus.
- 2003 - The International Federation of Dentists cancel all appointments for the month of August, in protest that floss and tooth picks, are not bar-coded.