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April 27: Eat a Live Piglet Day (Schenectady, New York; Griffin, Georgia)
- 1124 - King David the Lastnameless takes the throne of Scotland
- 1294 - Scotland calls Franch a bunch of pussies. Angry grumbling ensues.
- 1368 - The Big Bad Wolf is found guilty of vandalism and mouth robbery, and is sentenced to 30 hours of social work.
- 1509 - Pope Julius II places the Italian state of Venice under interdict. The interdict arose from finding the state warm and moist.
- 1521 - Magellan arrives in the Philippines. The locals invite him in for dinner.
- 1555 - You are born, but die of cholera by age eight. You don't remember this previous life because you were born a moron.
- 1945 - USA and USSR meet for the first time in Germany, starting a love affair to last several decades.
- 1949 - Texas becomes the first US State to outlaw Cheese, following the discovery of a Soviet covert chedder ring operating in Houston.
- 1966 - NASA scientists propose using Dusty Springfield's 11-mile tall bouffant to get to the moon.
- 1981 - I got laid!
- 1984 - The Libyan Embassy in London is taken hostage by a VW campervan, ending in the shooting of Dr Emmett Brown.