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Archlinux (renamed to Arklinux on April 1st 2007 and Arschlinux on 8002 Lirpa 1) is a Linux Distribution. It sets you up with a core system and lets you build on it. However, unlike the Linux distro Gentoo, it is not intended for psychopaths, nor does its installation attempt to remove your balls (if male) or clog your uterus with acid (if female). An added benefit of choosing any distro over Gentoo is that you do not lapse into such severe frustration that you begin to hate the modern world and feel as if you have experienced a raping of your childhood. Hence, Arch is an acronym: Avoid Raping Child Hood.


The Archlinux Middle Ages was ruled by the almighty Judd Vim (who used to be known as Elmer Fudd and has now been taken over by ancient King Kong Klan high priest Phrak Turd (who wrote "\alias Phrak Turd='\Argon Grifflippin-my-ass\'\" in a real notepad bought from a Chinese store near YOU)), who went to the people and said:

"y0, all those Leetnux Distributions are major suckomaticks, I will make it faster and better and strip all the documentation to show the world, that we are the leetest, and you will all follow me on the way to the land where milk and honey flow!"

A small community of Slackware and Gentoo refugees gathered around the almighty Judd to follow him to promised land. Along the way, a mighty prophet called Eugenia Loli-Queru joined their noble quest and started publishing noble FUD on her noble site to help Judd proceed. There are tales that Jesus himself went on this crusade for salvation, that later some say that this junction of holiness and geekness, is where Jews came from.


The almighty Judd has succeeded in making Archlinux the only Linux distribution which combines all the worst features Slackware and Gentoo have to offer.

Archlinux is mighty fast, only runing on computers with a certain leetness factor (codenamed 686+), and features a package manager with an extremely funny name: pacman. When used with a large pill, Pacman is also a very valuable tool for devouring ghosts. Additionally, it serves as an excellent demonstration as to why you need to buy a faster hard disk. Pacman is, as all software made by geeks aspires to be, like a car: its not how fast it drives but the noise it makes. To be precise, the noise of disks spinning at 15,000 rpm (minimum requirement) whilst running a command such as pacman -S apt-get --force-find-n-install.

Almost every big transition is handled very well, with almost completely every user having problems of some sort. This is what Archers define as the "ultimate experience". This is conclusive evidence of their collective virginity.

Currently Bruce Willis and Jane Fonda are developing a new package system which will replace pacman, namely apt-get.

The current default Arch Linux wallpaper can be found here.


A "Get an Arch" campaign is being planned to raise awareness and attract more users. In other news; the developers of Arch will be turning it into a closed-source proprietry operating system as of 1/1/2011 - It will be available in all good computer stores on that date for a price of £499.99 per installation.

Tips from the archlinux community[edit]

  • To save time, reboot your computer in the background using "reboot &".
  • Also to save time, try run "init &" to do the bootup in background.
  • If something fails, it probably means you died. Say your prayers. Wait. It's too late.
  • When you feel all fanboyish over Archlinux, please use "super ninpo hakematsu harakiri no myo kanon jutsu no arch powa!!!" as a function in your /root/.bashrc file.
  • Judd needs no fan. He has 60-foot A/Cs. Phrak can lift them, yes.


Some say that Archlinux package repositories are all full of crappy annoying bugs. They're right!

Chuck Norris claims that The Arghhhh Urine Repository (AUR) has been cause for 9,000,000 deaths due to overdose of excellent code as of 8002BCBC; he is not to blame. He's wrong!

Fun Facts[edit]

  • Archlinux was made for the sole purpose of world domination.
  • As it uses Linux, it will make you a communist.
  • It was developed with disfunctionality in mind.
  • It is what you make it. Even if you don't know what to make it.

See also[edit]

Linux - Arch | Debian | Fedora | Gentoo | Lindows | Linux (Only For Mac) | openSUSE | Red Hat | Rinux | Slackware | Ubuntu | Uncyclux | Xandros | Xubuntu
BSD - FreeBSD | NetBSD | NetBDSM | OpenBSD
Darwin - OSX | Tiger Solaris -Solaris
Applications and Documentation
Vi | Emacs | Firefox | GIMP | GNOME | GFDL | GPL | I18n | KDE | ls | man | man uncyclopedia | rm | TWM | FVWM | X Window System
People and Organizations
Free Sockpuppet Foundation | GNU | St. Ignucius | SCO | Richard M. Stalin | Richard M Stallman vs. Linus Torvalds | Linus Torvalds | Tux