Angels

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Angels.

“We look forward to singing with Alicia Keys one day

~ Angels in heaven

Angels are formed wherever two or more lines intersect. Angels of over 90 degrees are termed Obese whereas angels of less than 90 degrees are termed Cute. Three Angels may cooperate together to form a trinity.

Not to be confused with Angles which are the furry nature spirits much beloved of Jahweh (also known as Jehovah, God, or Yah Wii) that dress in dark clothes, brood, mumble a lot, and drink pigs' blood from macaroni containers. In religion an angel destroys a soul, which is also known as food. The angel is a terrible cook that can destroy 10,000 dinners. Also, angels are not to be confused with Anglo-Saxons, red-headed telletubbies who paint their faces blue and urinate on carpets. This is a sign that they intend to kill you and your entire family. They make useful house pets but are prone to homicidal attacks. Three Anglo-Saxons together equals a whorde, as in the Scottish phrase: "that's a whorde lot a Anglo-Saxons." They tend to clown around when in Yankee Stadium, however.


Snow Angels[edit]

Snow Angels, like this dead guy here, are great learning tools

Snow Angels are great learning tools for introducing schoolchildren and the intellectually challenged to the wonderful world of Angels in Mathematics and every day life. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful Shih Tzu. But however long his lustful locks grew, he was as stupid as a barn door. So, one day he found an Angel and began crying. When the Sage Jesus came upon him, he began to sob too, for he was an empathetic man with faulty tear ducts.

Chalk Angels[edit]

Chalk Angels - Not as fun as Snow Angels

Chalk Angels also have an important part to play in Mathematics but aren’t as much fun and are avoided as an instructional tool. It may be complicated and requires knowledge in its area, which is why gansters and thugs are experts at this.

Angel Genders[edit]

In Medieval times, the question of whether angels are male or female was considered an important philosophical/theological problem. This problem was recently solved by Sigmund Freud. He discovered that an angel of less than 180 degrees is convex and therefore phallic, therefore it must be male. An angel of more than 180 degrees is concave and therefore vaginal, thus it must be female.

Interestingly, an angel of more than 360 degrees is female according to the above definition, however, such an angle looks decidedly convex. Such an angel is probably lesbian. Similarly, an angel of less than 0 (zero) degrees is male and gay.

It should also be noted that a ninety degree angel, or a right angel, tends to vote for the GOP.


Angel History[edit]

Angels have been portrayed as the messengers of God for centuries. This one bears the image of God's penis.

At first many believe angels were in the employment of God, usually working for a minimum wage, and without a union or proper support. Some angels were tired of being treated like this and one day the greatest of them (Megatron) decided he'd form a union and sue God's supposedly concrete ass off.

During the court case much evidence evidence was thrown around. A lot of it was dense. In the end God won though there have been pictures released to some parts of the press in different countries of God and the judge performing numerous acts in a store room, which can only be described using pythagoorase's theorem.

So Megatron was outcast, but then made the decision to start up an asylum for injured werewolves (usually the ones who'd been dumped on the street just after christmas) and began raising a decepticon army.

The rest of what happened though, was all decided in a duel 2 the death between a rampant rabbit and a russian hamster, fought in 2109 on Mars, wielding sticks of celery and pitchforks. The winner (being the rampant rabbit) then went into the adult movie industry and employed many lost angels in such films as "GayBriel" and "Raphael vs. Breast Queen".

Problems arose later unfortunately, when it was realised that God only may exist, meaning the court battle fell through a newly ripped hole in the pre-mudded jeans of the fabric of space and was all eaten by a small rat named roland. Who later incidentally decided to run for King of America, but was pipped to the post by a jar of scrambled eggs in 1872.

It has been prophesised by one Micky Mouse that the final war between Megatron's Decepticons and Gods Autobots will be held on a football (note for Americans and Convicts Football (soccer....) is the true football. calling NFL football is disgracing the word!) pitch, in the year 20£& in which the ArchAngel Micheal will be arrested for indecent exposure, StarScream will be caught molesting a chipmunk and Donald Duck will score an injury time winner. The predicted aftermath of the final war will simply be the wipe out of all major life forms. Leaving Cockroaches, crustacians, Australians (not that they're lower life forms... more that they're damn indestructible!), a Volvo and a small collection of chinese shoe horns. This baron waste will last until Gaybriel quits the porn industry and breaths life into a small army of teddy bears which he will then set to go about rebuilding the earth and life on it. Much to everyone's annoyance.

An example of an angel is a spook (in spook house). Spooks are thought of as dead and do exist so they are thought of as angels. Jesus is thought of as a Japanese that was created less than the African (spook) race.

See also[edit]