Artificial Stupidity

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..and remember computers are your friends.

Artificial Stupidity (AS) is similar to Artificial Intelligence (AI) in that it is artificial, but thats were the similarity ends. It was developed in 1965 by Rebekah Wade editor of The Sun. Her first design incorporating this technology was named Simon Cowel. The idea was soon patented by Richard Bradson and the tycoon now plans to have one in every home to complete his plans for world domination.

“I declare that, regarding the Artificial Stupidity, the only thing worse than having Artificial Stupidity, that I have absolutely nothing to declare at all.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Artificial Stupidity

One popular and early definition of artificial stupidity research, put forth by John McCarthy at the Dartmouth Conference in 1956, is "making a machine behave in ways that would be called stupid if a human were doing it", repeating the claim put forth by Alan Turing in "Computing machinery and stupidity" (Mind, October 1950). However, this definition seems to ignore the possibility of Strong Artificial Stupidity.

One spin-off technology of AS research was in the area of seduction. Even today, artificial stupidity is helping geeks get laid when there is no alcohol available - and they don't wish to drink.

Post Robbie Williams Artificial Stupidity[edit]

Later forms of Artificial Stupidity has seen tremendous undevelopment in the field of machinery and robotics. Major corporations have poured millions of dollars of resources into creating perfect examples of technology that either:

  • a) Does not work
  • b) Has no function or purpose anyway
  • c) Is exceedingly dangerous for no apparent reason
  • d) Requires several years of training to use (not that it matters anyway)
  • e) Is extremely complicated to use and results in no meaningful benefit whatsoever
  • f) Is in some cases fatal

Some of the latest Artificial Stupidity products contain the latest technological reversements such as steam valves and pulley systems. Another new undevelopment is the use of materials such as asbestos, dead kittens and raw uranium in their manufacture.

Models and Uses[edit]

  • V-0 (Base Model) Series
    • Paris Hilton
  • V-I Series
    • Slob
    • Chav
  • V-II Series
    • Air Hostess
    • Check-Out Girl
  • V-III Series
    • Factory Worker
    • B&Q Worker
  • V-IV Series
    • George Bush
    • Rihanna
    • Jar Jar Binks
  • Belgian Half-Moustache Remover
    • Elaborate and extremely dangerous system to remove only one half of a person's moustache
  • The Pneumatic Toast Sustainer
    • Designed to keep toast stable in zero gravity, this is currently being field tested by the Latvian Federation of Carpet Merchants
  • The Dave Lombardo Device
    • A complex device made from rods and slots which when the correct combination of rods is placed in the slots unlocks a button of indeterminite use.

Related Articles[edit]

See also[edit]