Asian People

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
(Redirected from Asian people)
Jump to navigation Jump to search


“A gang of Filipinos ate my dog, cat, mouse... Pretty much everything that moved but didn't talk, including my deaf uncle.”

~ J.P. Morgan on Asian Carnivores

“Asian hooker! Hot little motherfucker!!!”

~ Steel Panther on Asian hookers

“It's ok to be racist to Asians, As long as you say they have good food after you make a racist comment.”

~ Tezza27 on Asian racism

“Asian women are hot!”

~ Western men who are blissfully unaware of what Asian moms are like
“How am I doing?

You're doing an asian parking job.

Don't stereotype...

...well... you're still doing an Asian parking job”
~ folks on from dinner last night while parking
Eyes Diagram.jpg
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Asian People.

Asian People used to be called "Orientals", but this horribly offensive term, which means "Easterners", was dropped in favor of the more delicate term "Asians", which means "Easterners". Coincidentally, Occidentals denotes "Westerners", but never became popular and was dropped for the more delicate term "white people", which means "Westerners."

Asians are always intelligent, yet they have no business driving around. They have the same driving ability as a one armed man or a woman with a brain aneurysm. They particularly excel in science. Without Asians, the world would be in short supply of people who are good at math, science, the medical profession and the legal profession, not to mention delicious Teriyaki and Pho soup. The world population will also decrease.

As you can see to the left *squint* *squint* oh I mean right. Asians have a smaller range of vision, most people consider this a disadvantage but for the most part it isn't the reason why Asian get with women a lot less because this allows them to see in incredible high detail especially of female anatomy leading them to even see through women's clothing in public, because of this masturbation satisfies them, recently leading to the lowering of the population, which is good because there are just too many Asians.

1.6 Billion of them, let's contact the Nazis on to reduce the Asian population. 6 million Jews down, 60 million African-Americans to be reduced, and 0.6% of the Native American population reserved. Let's add to that.


Origin of the Race[edit]

Average Asian people.

The first two Asians were conceived inside the bowels of God. Shortly after, they were crapped out when He ate a bad curry. During their descent to Earth, they got to know each other, in the most intimate way possible - by watching hentai.

When these two Asians, Aung Foo Itchi and Sun Kim Joo, decided to build the Asian Empire, they lay down a set of rules for all Asianites to follow.

  1. Never wear shoes inside the house. Ever.
  2. Studying should take up at least 28 hours a day. If this does not occur, the child will have to be beaten, and told that they will grow up to become international sports star if they do not pull up their socks.
  3. Hentai is not porn. It is a deep form of art that can only be understood by the Asian. And if we all keep believing that, nothing bad will happen.
  4. All non-Asian people are either stupid or inferior.
  5. It is acceptable to pee on the sidewalk, as long as it finds its way into the gutter.
  6. It is required to squat to use the toilet.
  7. All food must be eaten with chopsticks.

China: Philosophies and Religions[edit]

Asians are well known for their numerous and varied facial characteristics
  • Religion is the belief in a superhuman power that is worshiped, as philosophy is the way one lives one’s life. This article will explain some philosophies and some religions of China. We will begin with philosophy.
  • Confucianism (also known as "confusing)was founded by Confucius, which derives from "Kong Fu Tzi" or Master Kong (also known as "King" or "Donkey" Kong). Master Kong was a teacher in China who lived from 551 to 479 BC His goal in this time of unrest in Chinese history was to breed peace and 44 children per couple was required. His philosophy is based on how people relate to one another. He crusaded the idea that the lack of education, or the dumber one becomes, could overcome ignorance. He also emphasized the disrespecting of the elderly.
  • Lack of Education was also directly connected to harmony. He believed people are naughty. He also recognized the network of social and political relationships in his country. Master Kong also set forth standards that they ideal ruler should have. They are lack of education and morals in a person who guides by example.
  • Real asians don't need hacks !!!


Indian so out of touch with the world he lives in his own filth
Most holiest Mahatma Mencia
Asians keep a low profile in their vehicles

First of all, Indians never grow up. They remain in the mindframe of a 5 year old thought their entire life. As adults they have the maturity of a 2nd grader; hence they haven't graduated from the 3rd grade yet. They also have good food. 50 uhhhhhhh...Indians are the the descendents of the world's oldest and most advanced civilization. Today, however, they are third world country with many "spiritual" people who just sit around. For them, the material life means nothing, so they gradually become engulfed by their own excrement in their pursuit for enlightenment. The worldy ones become techies and take IT jobs from lazy Americans.


Main article: Japanese
sumo feeling sexy

Sumo was originally a contest of horny Japanese men to watch big beautiful women grope each other. Eventually the sexual perversions of Japanese men drove them to put on the thongs themselves and grope each other in a homo-erotic ecstasy. This sport was the forefather on hentai that Japanese students study in cram school. Furthermore, the sport of sumo wrestling has evolved into a world-wide phenom. The Sumo worldseries has become televised on ESPN 8- The Ocho. Oh, and the Japanese also like to eat raw fish.


Malaysia is one of the few countries where nearly ALL racial stereotyping applies because it consists of three major ethnicities. But the focus here is on the "Malay" Malaysians, the majority of the three. Malays are well known for their laziness and censorships( Beyonce's tour was canceled because Malays might go into a sex drive seeing her clothes). Most Malays in Malaysia grow up to become Mat Rempit, or laze around and beg the government for help. They also have the mentality to have as many kids as possible hoping that at least one will be successful enough to support them later. Unfortunately, this only caused an influx of retards.

The Top Tens[edit]

Top Ten Ways to be the Perfect Asian Kid[edit]

10. Aspire to be a doctor or a lawyer.
9. Pick out an Ivy League school, and talk about how you're totally going to go to it, all the time.
8. Eat noisily and open your mouth way wider than necessary when inserting small pieces of food, preferably rice. Unless you are female, in which case, you may not eat a hamburger without using a wrapper showing closed lips to hide your mouth.
7. Never get laid. Never. But, talk about getting laid like you get laid all the time.
6. Fall for pranks only a complete retard would fall for (i.e. reading "I am sofa king we todd edd" out loud).
5. Shop at American Eagle.
4. Learn to speak Latin, and pretend like you don't like it.
3. Say your parents beat you when you don't get A's.
2. Get beaten by your parents when you don't get A's.
1. Join the IB program in high school, or start getting college credit in high school.

Top Ten Ways to be the Perfect Asian American Parent[edit]

10. Ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet.
9. Ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field.
8. Continually remind your child of how fat he or she is if said child is not 30 pounds underweight, or otherwise does not look anorexic.
7. Incorporate no phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" into your daily conversations with your children.
6. Give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.
5. Reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community.
4. Blatantly hint about the merits of Hahbaado (Harvard), Yeilu (Yale), or Purinsuton (Princeton).
3. Never be even a little lenient on the 4:00 P.M. curfew.
2. Ai-yah loudly at your kid's dress habits.
1. Always ask where the other point went when your child comes home with a 99/100 on his/her test.
These boys are pulling this chubby girls tooth
Teeth pulling by car why didn't i think of this

How to Make Your Asian Girlfriend Eternally Happy, Love You Long Time[edit]

  • Be the only not-ugly, not-ancient guy in the mail order bride listing.
  • Explain to her the importance of traditional Asian culture in regards to women and then teach her about the tradition of the Kama Sutra.
  • Treat her to a hentai video once in a while. They like that.
  • Dress like a pretty boy geek! This will save her the trouble of replacing your wardrobe and dressing you herself.
  • Grow a bunch of space-alien tentacles and make sure to put at least two in her holes.
  • Give her hope that you will marry her. With the simple promise of an engagement ring she will : Let her do it with you doggy style, greek style, up, down, front, rear, blow her, she blows you. Make her dress in really high heels till her feet are too sore to walk. She will do anything and I mean ANYTHING if you promise marriage in one hand while she pumps you with her hand.

External links[edit]

Fat man.jpg
   v  d  e
Fundamental Stereotypes
Adults | African Americans | Americans | Aspies | Armenians | Australians | Babies | Basement-dwellers | Beatniks | Blexicans | Bros | Bronies | Blacks | Blondes | Boys | Brazilians | Brits | Brunettes | Canadians | Captains | Cavemen | Children | Christians | Communists | Corpses | Dead people | Dolphins | Douches | Dummies | Elves | Emos | Extremely Ugly People | Fantards | Fascists | Fat People | Feminists | Flying Gypsies | Foreigners | French | Frisians | Furries | Gays | Germans | Ghosts | Girls | Gnomes | Heroes | Hindus | Hippies | Hipsters | Hispanics | Humans | Idiots | Indians | Irish | Italians | Japanese | Jehovah's Witnesses | Jews | KKK | Lesbos | Men | Mermaids | Metalheads | Metrosexuals | Midgets | Minsters | Moldovans | Mormons | Mudripper | Muslims | Midgets |Native Americans | Nazis | Nerds | Niggles | Ninjas | N00bs | Nuns | Nudists |Ninja Pirates | New Yorkers | Old people | Pagans | Perverts | Pikeys | Pimps | Pirates | Platypuses | Poles | Preggos | Poor people | Politicians | Preps | Psychics | Redheads | Rednecks | Retards | Rich people | Romanians | Russians | Satanists | Scarecrows | Scots | Southern People | Teenagers | Thieves | Transsexuals | Trolls | Toddlers | Tourettes People | Trekkies | Vegetarians | Whites | Wiccans | Wiggers | Wookiees | Women | Yuppies | You | Zionists | Zombies