To be confused with Asteroids.
Ass-troids (sometimes called "Asstroids" or "Crackroids") are a species of class A comet that comes from the enchanted galaxy known as the Uncle John Galaxy. Upon impact, they release a gas so vicious that call life within fifty miles of the crashsite die of suffocation and visions of Barbara Streisand. Crazy enough, it is in the shape of, yes, an ass.
Where Did The Ass-Troids Come From?
Good question, Billy, and the answer is very simple. You see, billions of years ago, the universe was created, or something. Nom the universe was created on a Tuesday ... or was it a Sunday? You know, I really don't remember, but the universe was crafted into the shape of one big body.("What's that mean?")Billy, don't interrupt me! Anyways, the universe is in the shape of a body. Where we live, a fictional place called Earth, we are in the heart section of the universal body. That means if the Earth gets blown up, the whole universe dies, or something like that. And when the universe was created, God was planning on making pieces of rock and ice trhat were to be called astroids, but this angel - who was, by the way, a total - changed the name to "" and changed the rocks into various ass shapes, white and black, brown and blue, even some rainbow ones. He sent them down before God stopped him, and they both had a good laugh about it. The ass-troids folated into space forever to the north, where we are, and at various times they have landed on the Earth itself, especially Antarctica, the lifeless fairy tale country that is lifeless.
Do Ass-Troids Contain Life?
Billy, you asshole, you'll never get anywhere by asking stupid questions. Of course they don't contain life, the life would be dead instantly. Idiot. However, urban legend off the street is that an alligator once crawled into an ass-troid after it made its impact and released its wide across the place, and lived in it as a home. Over time, they had babies, and these babies were named crocodiles.
Where Have Ass-Troids Landed?
Good question, Billy. Well, ass-troids have hit numerous places beside Antarctica, including Al-ass-ka (took me all night to think of that one), Algeria, Russia, Mexico, Harlem, Canada and a fictional place called Chicago (it's all a conspiracy, man!). Infact, if you look closely from a bird's eye view, you can see the ass-crack marks on the plains. Only on rare occasions have civilians escaped the death of the ass-troid's gass; although, seeing as how no one lives in Canada anyways, and Algeria is often only occupied by Martians from planet Your-Anus (God, what an old, stupid-ass joke, Billy, don't edit Uncyclopedia like that!)
Who Have Been Killed By The Ass-Troids?
You're about to, reader, if you don't get out of the way! Look out the fucking window! Oh, too late, you're dead.
Has There Been Any Retaliation Against Ass-Troids?
Billy, I'm afraid there hasn't been. You see, the government likes to set up conspiracies by telling you that there's no trouble, but they're so keen on creating them that they don't try and stop the real problems, like global warming and Chinese take-out. Ironically enough, the government was going to set up a conspiracy called the "Azz-Tard", but, unfrotunately, just as they were about to file it, the first Ass-Troid ever to hit Earth ... hit Earth. Amazing, huh?
What Can I Do To Help?
You can go to your local library, or something, Billy, what the fuck do I care, we're all just going to die by the Ass-Troid anyways once it comes in a storm onto Earth. Fortunately enough, Earth is just all a conspiracy and doesn't exist ... right?