The History of Ass/Arse Crust
Ass Crust was invented by a jolly old Irish chap named Chlárú Fásóirí in the late 1300's. Chlárú Fásóirí came from a small town that grew many potatoes and supported the use of laxatives and a substitute for crack. Chlárú Fásóirí was the love child of Jewish Hitler's Great Great Great Great Great Great Aunty Gaye and George W. Bush's Great Great Great Great Great Great Uncle George. All of Chlárú Fásóirí's predecessors came from Germany and all died of ill health. None of his predecessors even went to Ireland so the reason that Chlárú Fásóirí is an Irish man, well, it is all a big mystery really.
The Theories of Chlárú Fásóirí's Origin
There are many theories that give us reason to believe different suggestions brought upon by evidence that is so severely lacking in intelligence that Chlárú Fásóirí seems to be nothing more than a mere Donkey with a bad case of Anal Herpes.
Therefore as I am a lazy human taught to do nothing but the bare minimum, i will leave the majority of the theories on Chlárú Fásóirí's origin and just continue to elaborate on the theory of him being a Donkey with STI's.
Pornagrafaíocht, the Irish word for Pornography. Pornagrafaíocht is mainly what lead to Chlárú Fásóirí's unfortunate case of Anal Herpes. Chlárú Fásóirí lived in that small town that grew many potatoes and promoted the use of laxatives and substitutes for crack, and living in this town came a curse. You guessed it. It is the curse of The Anal Herpes Guy that Lives in The town That Grows Many Potatoes and Promotes the Use of Laxatives and Substitutes for Crack! Oooooooooh i shudder every time i hear or speak of that curse. It is absolutely deplorable how sickening the sound of a fellow man's voice-box is as it sends those daunting syllables vibrating into the cold, cold night, which i might add is absolutely freezing. The curse of The Anal Herpes Guy that Lives in The town That Grows Many Potatoes and Promotes the Use of Laxatives and Substitutes for Crack came about when a young boy whose age was estimated to be around 3 and a hlaf years of age laid his hands upon an inch thick magazine. The title of this magazine read "Pornagrafaíocht". The young boy read the magazine, well not really as he was just a small, small, little, tiny, minuscule speck of a child, he just looked at the pictures. Everyone in the small town that grew many potatoes and supported the use of laxatives and a substitute for crack thought this was a strange act of curiosity by the young boy and decided they would lock him up where the donkeys could not find him. This was the biggest mistake of their woeful lives as the people that lived in the small town that grew many potatoes and supported the use of laxatives and a substitute for crack were not the smartest of all humans and tried to hide the young boy in an unused public toilet in a dark old park full of mosquitos and rabid donkeys that looked to have a strange crust on the outer regions of their rectums. As soon as the people that lived in the small town that grew many potatoes and supported the use of laxatives and a substitute for crack left the dark park full of mosquitos and rabid donkeys with stranges STI's, the donkeys immediately took advanatage of the situation. About one hundred of the disgusting creatures stood around the public toilet and looked in amazement as their leader, Bazrikky El Fajito (A mexican Donkey), entered the public toilet. Bazrikky El Fajito disappeared from sight and a strange sound came from the inner vicinities of the public toilet where Bazrikky El Fajito and the young boy were, alone, in the dark, with many mosquitos, alone. The sound was a mixture of a sound of total relief and a sound of excrutiating pain and terror.
- The rest of this story was left out in the issue of E! magazine as some poor employee working in the editorial department screwed up and instead of putting it on page 69 of E!, he placed it on page 69 of December's issue of Pornagrafaíocht. You remember that one don't you? the one with that plastic ditz Yaris Milton semi-naked on the front cover. Yea i thought you had it stashed away under your parents bed!
Anywho, it is said that the young boy contracted the severe case of Herpes and he sadly died as Bazrikky El Fajito's penis was of an extraordinary size and it simply tore his insides into little, tiny, minuscule pieces of crap. The ghost of the young boy still exists in the small town that grew many potatoes and supported the use of laxatives and a substitute for crack and seeks revenge on any donkey that arrives in the town. This my friends, is how Chlárú Fásóirí became a victim of the curse of the The Anal Herpes Guy that Lives in The town That Grows Many Potatoes and Promotes the Use of Laxatives and Substitutes for Crack
Nothing to say here but CHARLIE HAS THE ABILITY TO EAT 50 BOILED EGGS
Ass/Arse Crust - Physical Description
Ass/Arse crust is quite disgusting at first sight but when looked at more closely it's beauty suddenly emerges. The Ass/Arse crust we get these days still comes from Chlárú Fásóirí as he is obviously immortal after becoming a victim of the curse of The Anal Herpes Guy that Lives in The town That Grows Many Potatoes and Promotes the Use of Laxatives and Substitutes for Crack. The Herpes that covers most of Chlárú Fásóirí's anus provides a crust that flakes off and is collected by Crack sniffing Brazillian Midgets and taken to the Ass/Arse Crust factory next door to the world renown Chevon Factory which is run by Old Boot. The flakes of Ass/Arse Crust are then pulverised into a foul odoured liquid that is put into moulds that give the goo the form of a German Lesbian that has just found out she is actually Swedish. The colour of the goo varies depending on the mood that Chlárú Fásóirí was in when he gave those all important flakes of crust off his all important Anal Herpes. The goo is placed into large ovens made of insect zappers and fingernails off a 80 year old porn star. Once the goo has formed into small little cakes of anal-y produced crust, they are all smashed into small bite size pieces that are packaged into suspicious looking plastic bags which are then shipped off all over the Earth.