Astaroth

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Why's he so angry? Because he's the biggest on his game and fights like a retarded shit.
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Astaroth.

“Arrrrrrgh! Bastard! Your sole is MINE!”

~ Astaroth on a shoe

If it wasn't for Voldo, Astaroth would qualify as the no.1 gimp in the Soul Calibur series. He has made his name in Japan by swinging his big weapon at little girls.

Where To Find Him[edit]

Soul Calibur II. You know, the... WHAT? You don't know of it's greatness? Shoot yourself.

How To Identify Him[edit]

He's the big, fat useless one who takes far too long to swing his axe. Astaroth is most versatile character, He is vicious versus Mitsurugi, Kilik, Yoshimitsu and Rock.

Soul Calibur II[edit]

In this game, Astaroth is hunting Soul Edge for a group of nutters. Soul Edge, with it's 3 blades and flexible head, gives the best shave in the world. With this kind of razor: the aimless bunch of hobo's could be rid of their beards and then blend into society. Those sneaky fellows. To help dispose of people in his path: Astaroth carries an axe with him. This axe used to be able to talk with opponents and sort out differences. However Astaroth used it to pick his nose with one day and it hasn't talked since.

After his axe stopped talking, Astaroth took to attempting to hit people with it. It is hinted that he has some pretty sweet moves, and it is rumoured that he is able to KO opponents in four moves or less. However, this claim is impossible to prove, as by the time Astaroth has figured out which part of his weapon is the sharp end, he has been impaled on his opponent's sword.

Soul Calibur III[edit]

This sequel to the famous Soul Calibur II (a design feature that shocked many) still has Astaroth, but also lots of pointless game modes that nobody likes. If Astaroth hadn't have pissed off his axe in SCII then maybe their opinions could have been expressed about the mind-numbing war-type thing. Instead though, he just chopped one of the nerds in half. This lead to Astaroth being rewarded some more Gucci clothes from his favourite series. However the family of the dead nerd were less than happy, and drove spikes through Astaroth's chest. They have since made up on 'The Jeremy Kyle Show'.

Why isn't Astaroth loved?[edit]

Mainly because he features in a game with a lot of young women, and he looks like a pre-jesus child molestor who works out at the (roman) gym. Also, because he's a big guy. The prince of hell!