Aston, PA

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Aston, Pennsylvania is in Delaware County. It is well known as the Drugstore capital of the world, having more drugstores per square mile than any other place on the face of the planet, and 5 CVS's on one street and is planning more. Its main export is CVS and main import is Walgreens. It also harbors unnecessary banks and fast-food restaurants although they are out-competed in this market by neighboring Brookhaven. The Drugstores have recently been taking action against these things, believing that this is a plot to overthrow the "drugstore economy and society" and replace it with a Capitalist "free" economy. This would then result in skyrocketing prices and less OTC drugs for the masses, forcing them to get them from Canada. They further counter this by placing an Eckerd next to a Walgreens. Ironically the second highest industry in the township is ice hockey.


As of the census of 2000, there were 16,203 people, 5,838 households, and 4,285 families residing in the township. The population density was 1,091.8/km² (2,825.8/mi²). There were 5,978 housing units at an average density of 402.8/km² (1,042.6/mi²). The racial makeup of the township was 96.66% White, 1.48% African American, 0.03% Native American, 0.78% Asian, 107.2% Republican, 0.02% Pacific Islander, 98.4% Hick, 0.28% from other races, 14% Philadelphian (BURN THEM ALL) and 0.75% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 1.01%, causing the economy among high-school teenagers that don't care anyway to drop significantly.


Just a bunch of CVS, a Pizza Hut and a McDonalds. Over the Counter and Prescription drugs are a must have in the economy. The McDonalds has recently been demolished to make room for another CVS.


A lot of football especally that other one (see soccer) and an increasing ice hockey industry especally for southern PA.

Re-education facilities[edit]

The Schools include Aston Elementary, which is a re-education camp for all children to crush their spirits and ideals while at the same time teaching them how to read... and vote Republican. Northley Middle School, which tends to cut off all chance of individuality and blames YOU when you are the victim. It also furthur teaches you how Republicans are the better choice for America. Sun Valley is the high school, where they teach you how to furthur vote Republican. However Sun Valley is starting a suspect Democratic population. This is one of Curt Weldond's major re-election campaign issues and has gained massive support from Geroge Bush for his stand against it. It was eventually the cause of his fall as Astonians explicably decided that Bush is dumb {warning: true fact}

St. Joes is the only private school. It is a training ground for the Army of God. They Brainwash children into thingking that Gays are not human... because they aren't, and dont deserve to live. Anyway, recently, due to the fact that the principal is evil, people have relized that the teachers are really, really F***ed up.

Neumann College is the only decent college within a 100 Mile radius (unless you count Penn, but no one likes them). It actually isn't half bad. But I do digress, it is the only safehold for liberals in the town, but is a Catholic university so even that is suspect.

Republicans and you![edit]

Here in Aston, PA we like to make you feel welcome. So in order to make your most out of your time there, do not. I repeat, DO NOT! openly support any Liberals. Anyone caught doing so will be reported to the Ministry of Love through the thought police

Other things and little known facts[edit]

1. Some guy once stayed at a house in Aston, but decided to leave. The man has not been seen since. He was apperantly British.

2. There is a rare occurence in Aston where someone votes democrat, this is known as sanity and anyone caught doing it is killed on the spot.

3. Republicans are the servants of God and send people Subliminal messages [[Al Gore's] through the TV and computer Vote Republican... Vote Republican

4. There was a guy trying to sell people Newsweek before. He was instantly killed.