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“She's the demon. Those who worship her are demons. Those who fornicated with her are demons! Those who have heard about her are demons! You Pagan bastards children of the AntiChrist!!! AAAAAAAAA!”
“I can't, like, say her name.”
In Lusitanian mythology, the mother goddess of the moon, rebirth, Spring and sex -- I mean, fertility.
What Ataegina Is
- The mother of all the other gods and Titans and demi-gods. And angels. Especially Charlie's Angels.
- The only Virgin Goddess
- The mother of all the Portuguese people (thus hated by the Spanish).
- The chick who actually wrote Os Lusiadas (don't know what that is? Too bad. It's a great movie).
- The one who brought the great flood to earth (the woman gotta pee sometime).
- The one who brings Kenny back every damn episode.
- The woman <insert name here> is afraid of asking out. Ah well.
- The goddess who disguised herself as a mortal.
- Because she's a Mother Goddess, she might be... Your mom.
- Because she's a Moon goddess, she was the first to step the moon, not Neil Armstrong.
How to Worship
- First of all, don't sell your soul to Satan. If you already sold your soul to Satan, that's okay. We don't need it anyway.
- The goat is Ataegina's sacred animal. So if you could shapeshift into the shape of a goat, that'd make things easier. If you can't, worship Pan, the satyr god.
- After you learned that the goat is sacred to Ataegina, you may have already sacrificied a goat in her honour and drank its blood. You freakin' maniac. If the goat is sacred to her, why are you hurting it? Stop it. Stop it! There, see.
- Go out in the streets declaring your love for Ataegina. If a priest tries to wash you with holy water, punch him.
- Don't make sacrifices. Don't fornicate in religious festivities. Don't drink blood. And don't eat hamburgers. Haven't you ever seen that movie with Bruce Willis and Avril Lavigne about fast food? You know what's in those burgers? Cow shit, man. That's what's in the hamburgers.
- Speaking of Avril Lavigne, don't sell your soul to Avril Lavigne. I know she's hot, but don't do it. Really.
- Don't read the next line.
- What are you doing? I told you not to read this line.
- Don't read the previous line.
- You read it, didn't you?
- Don't call anyone a Mud Blood, okay? you don't want to end up like the Malfoys, do you?... Oh, wait, they were forgiven by the Order of the Phoenix... right... BUT NOT BY GOD!
- Don't look at the lady's boobies in the above table of Women's topics. Don't look!
Other things sacred to Ataegina
- Arkan Sonneys.
- Portuguese men.
- Your mom (because, after all, that's her)
- Wangs (sacred to every women)