Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

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One of the killer tomatoes disguised as an average BMW car

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was a 1977 film based on the real events of the Great Tomato War and the run-up to the war. The film starred John Wayne as the narrator and Bob Hoskins as Clayton Forrestor.




Set at the end of the Great Tomato War, Susie Crackhead goes to greet her fiance, Dr. Clayton Forrester, who has graudated from Cardiff University with a Doctorate in Biology of Gross and Squishy Things. Claytons' concern isn't marriage, much to Susie's surprise, but to get out of Cardiff before the city can be besieged by the Killer Tomatoes.

Meanwhile, the Killer Tomatoes and the Killer Carrots have united somewhere on the Anglo-Welsh border, and plan their attack on Cardiff in the hope of claiming the city for their own like their brothers at the Cardiff Offensive of 1873. They begin to march in the hope of reaching Cardiff before they spoil or turn excessively squishy.

In Cardiff, Susie has drugged Clayton and finally convinces him to have sex with her. However, things begin to look bad when her dildo turns out to be a Killer Carrot. With Clayton in a sexual frenzy and a Carrot nibbling at her pussy, Susie escapes, only to find that the siege has already begun. Just before Susie can be killed by the invading army, she and Clayton are rescued by President Zaphod Beeblebrox, who has landed in the hope of negotiating peace. The Killer Carrot consults the Killer Tomatoes, who agree to a truce providing that they get a fair share of the Treaty.

The rest of the film simply echoes the Vegetable Armistice of 1875 and the aftermath.



  • Most Urine passed in a B-Film - 1977
  • Most Bullshit Film of the Year - 1977
  • Worst Special Effects - 1978
  • Worst War Film of the Year (Runner-Up) - 1978, lost to Dambusters


Following the bashing from critics, film-buffs, theater managers and both the British and American governments, the plans for a purely-fictitious sequel, Return of the Killer Tomatoes were shelved, and some of the cast committed suicide for appearing in such a terrible flop.

This film spawned a host of films about the Great Tomato War. Examples of this include:

Pineapples of Wrath