Aurora Borealis

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The Aurora Borealis, or Northern Christmas Lights, is a very vibrant array of red and green, and shades there of, that appears in the sky at the North (duh) Pole, and in or near Canada. It is admired by all of the animal life, and is so mesmerizing that it has been reported that polar bears stop their ravaging of the raspberry bushes and simply stare at it for minutes.

As shown by this picture, the end of the world is clearly near.


There are many theories considering this awkwardly wonderful phenomenon, some say it is the shadow of a the rainbow dragon that is reputed to be the steed of Sauron, Lord of the Dance.

Others say it is the remnants of the many nuclear and biological weapons used against the penguins on P-day, which is probably why there are no penguins there now, only mutant albino bears, called polar bears, and disgustingly odious aquatic life.

Some say that a crazed ghost clown sucks all of the color out of the surrounding area, and projects it into the sky, which may explain why the polar bears are albinos, and why the ice is white and not rainbow as it is in Sno Cones and Popsicles.

There is a common theory that soviet leader Mario uses it for the hardest track, Rainbow Road, in his insane kart races, in which the powerful leaders bet on the winner and laugh mercilessly as many of the drivers fall off the track and plummet to their deaths.

There are also some who believe that Auroras are produced by the collision of charged particles, mostly electrons but also protons and heavier particles, from the magnetosphere, with atoms and molecules from the Earth's upper atmosphere, but who would believe something stupid like that?


Warning, staring at the aurora for too long may cause loss of eyesight, epilepsy, and by result epileptic seizures, loss of brain tissue, hemorrhoids, and/or being eaten by the occasional Canadian.


Recently there have been sightings of woolly mammoths in and around Canada, which many have attributed to the magical healing powers of The Aurora. In days of yore, Wizards used the amazing restorative property to live many years longer than other forms of life, and also formed it into one of their most devastating spells, Magic Missile.

Animal Life[edit]

There are the vegetarian polar bears which enjoy mauling raspberry bushes and then eating the seedy fruit. There is now a petition for raspberry rights running called "Save The Raspberries" which states that the polar bears are destroying the raspberry population through their constant consumption of the red fruit. It calls for an immediate cease-eating of raspberries and the right to fair trial and attorney to all raspberry bushes harmed in any way by the polar bears. There is also a large population of angry sharks and bad-tempered mutated sea bass, along with whales, that may reach up to a whopping 7 inches.


Some believe that it is what the lazer that he is chargin' is made of, as well as the lazers on the heads of the sea bass.

Yes, that lazer. SHOOP DA WHOOP!


Never go to see the aurora with a sunburn, as this may cause you to be mistaken for a very big raspberry by a very hungry polar bear, which will then viciously maul and then eat you. Also don't stand to close to the aurora or your eyes will melt from its awsomeness


When visiting the Aurora, always carry protection. After all, you never know when you may be hit by a barrage of magic missiles, or eaten by a giant rainbow dragon.