Austin

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Sandra Bullock?

Austin is a city in Texas that's known as a cool place to live for either (a) students or for (b) those who can secure one of the six annual high-tech vacancies that pay above $20,000,000,000,000/yr. It was a leader in McMansion construction during the tech boom of the late 1990s, but by 2003 had successfully made the change to a cookie-cutter construction industry. Most notably, it is home to the world's largest singing penis sculpture which was commissioned by now legendary Haitian sculptor and hidebound democratic reformer Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier. The sculpture, which accounts for roughly 95% of the city's tourism income according to a magic-marker scribbling above the urinal at Hole in the Wall, can be heard all over town belting out local tunes, though it vehemently refuses anything by Vallejo, and its main shaft can be clearly seen from the rooftop Advanced Rodentia Chemical Testing Facility at the Whole Foods downtown corporate headquarters.

Activities and pastimes[edit]

Following are some popular pastimes of Austinites:

  • Contributing to the Open-Source Dung Pile Collective (O.S.D.P.C.), the 2nd largest community dung pile in the nation and the only one of its kind that welcome's feculence from those who lack the proper licensure.
  • Scratching one's head over the giant Scientology center outside the University of Texas.
  • Going to Sixth Street, which has bars and clubs. It is improper to refer to what one will do on Sixth Street; one simply "goes to Sixth Street".
  • Attending SXSW, a laid-back, grassroots music festival that can be properly enjoyed for the trivial fee of a couple of hundred dollars.
  • Journeying to the Enchanted Isle in the center of Town Lake to sing along with the world's largest singing penis sculpture.
  • Driving, even if one has nowhere to go. A Travis County law exemption allows toddlers to start driving at the age of 24 months and get a feel for the roads.
  • Getting gentrified out of existence.
  • Obtaining a trophy wife and moving to Round Rock.
  • Going into Australian Usenet groups like aus.general
  • Laughing at Lesley the cross dressing hobo
  • Legally being a homosexual in the state of Texas
  • Getting High and Being Fat
  • visiting the annual Austin Heroin Festival
  • bitching and complaining about Austin's problems

Politics in Austin[edit]

As the capital of Texas, Austin is also the state's political hotbed. A number of Texan governors who have held office in Austin have gone on to become President Bush.