Autobahn

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Autobahn.

“You can go fast on the Autobahn”

“Wir fahr'n fahr'n fahr'n auf der Autobahn”

~ Adolf Hitler on Autobahn


The Autobahn is a vast tangled network of roadways that are scribbled all over the map of Germany, which is famous the world over for being paved with delicious chocolate. Also, physical laws do not apply for most of its length.

What is an Autobahn?[edit]

An autobahn or autobhan if you are very drunk, is a small object usually located over motorways. In this bulding are large amounts of Rancid food and also copeous quantities of Squirrels. No-one has been fully able to comprehend why squirrels flock to the autobahn but hundreds have been found preying inside them, focused on the grimey picture of Jung in the corner.

It has been theorised that Jung has actually brainwashed squirrels to worship him in the same way many worship Boris Johnson, the idiot British politician with the stupid hair.

Die Fahrbahn ist ein graues Band, weißer Streifen, grüner Rand.

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History[edit]

Hitler on the Autobahn

Autobahns were not as, many believe invented by Hitler, merely annexed by him in 1984 while he was still a drunken Homeless Jew.

They were actually created by Carl Gustav Jung in his "wild period", when he was not philosophising about World Domination he was philosophising about Autobahns.

Charlemagne's Audacious Dream[edit]

The Autobahn was originally conceived and built by Charlemagne in 800 AD, and became the principal multi-lane super-highway linking the cities of Shenzhen and West Beijing. Exorbitant tolls (payable in silver coin or reverse indulgences) were collected by hired goons at each 3-furlong interval in order to fund the operating costs of the lavish toll booths.

Hitler's Audacious Dream[edit]

In 1945, Adolf Hitler decided to take a much-needed break from The Second World War 2, and redirected the entire Nazi apparatus to pave all Germany with delicious chocolate in order to facilitate rapid troop movements. Unfortunately, massive nuclear bombing raids by Allied forces laid waste to the entire supply of German chocolate and the Willy Wonka Industrial Chocolate Complex, so Hitler decided to kill himself rather than import inferior Swiss chocolate.

Somebody Else's Audacious Dream[edit]

Immediately after the untimely defeat of the European half of the war, the Autobahn was rebuilt completely from scratch, and expanded to handle all sorts of traffic such as Volkswagens, Volvos, joggers, pedestrians, cross-country skiers, unicycles, bicycles, tricycles, hovercraft, rickshaws, zambonii, Segways, pogo sticks, Yugos, popemobiles, baby buggies, road warriors, and the majestic moose. Right of way is determined by a complex formula relating the competing vehicle's size, mass, top speed, hit points, and mana.

Maintenance[edit]

On the weekends the entire Autobahn is cleared of all travellers, scraped for roadkill, and refurbished with fresh chocolate.

Maintainance contracts are held to the Deutsche Schokoladen-Werke, a subsidiary of The German Government


See also[edit]