Welcome to The House of Pomegranates, the collection of short stories that is intended neither for the British child nor the British public.
Oprah Winfrey has inspired us to work on 46,160 stories and plays since opening in January 2005.
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Why was I born with such contemporaries?
February 17: International Gay, Lesbian, Transexual and Bisexual (GATTICA) Day.
- 28 BC - Jesus informs his disciples that he's gay. They all laugh at his little joke and proceed to gangbang Mary Magdelene.
- 29 BC - Mary Magdeline is found in a dark room with lipstick all over her face, abusing herself in a mirror.
- 2001 - HAL 9000, a homophobic computer, attempts to kill two gay dudes on a spaceship. Hilarity ensues.
- 2004 - People named Gaylord are rapidly asked if they have ever watched the television show "Gaylords say no". Most say no.
- 2006 - You finally forget about your miserable Valentine's Day, only to be tormented by this reminder.
- 2008 - USA bombs some country because one of its citizens made some USA guy get STDS.
- 2009 - Rabbit ears are officially obsolete in America. By law, lagomorphs across the nation must upgrade to sonar.
- 2009 - John Prescott is violently molested by a fanatical Pavarotti obsessive
- 2009 - John Prescott is discovered at the corner of downing street in a corset and fish-net tights attempting to whore himself out to passing single parents. He is quickly put back on tranquilisers, ceasing all higher brain functions and allowing normal command of the country to resume
- 2019 - Denmark is officially recognised as a mistake and erased from history
- 2040 - all world languages are revoked and replaced with American, a language consisting soley of words with one syllable or less
- 3010 - Iraq War resolved to the saisfaction of all thanks to the complete absence of Iraq.
The history of the United States of America (Red White, and Blue!
The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it.
Today in Chicago
It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know...
From Uncyclopedia's Alicia Keys:
This Month's Wit
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many
months years to come!
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