Baby Boomers

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THIS IS A "BOY" BABY BOOMER! He could bust dope dealers in such a way that it was considered "cool" even by addicts.

“He could bust dope-dealers in such a way that it was considered 'cool' even by addicts!”

~ George Carlin on Miami Vice's "baby-boomer" Sonny Crockett

“Hell NO! We won't go!”

~ William Westmoreland on America's getting the hell OUT of Vietnam

“Hell NO! We won't go!”

~ Baby Boomers on America's getting the hell INTO Vietnam

A Baby-Boomer, as referred here, is anyone who enjoyed the "Swinging Sixties" and suffered the Vietnam War era (yes. actually enjoyed the sixties. Delusional bastards.)Anyone who didn't can't comprehend it, and had better read an article they can relate to. Like Hawaii Five-O perhaps. If you have Post-hip Traumatic Stress Syndrome and access to Uncyclopedia, only then you'll understand.

These were battered kids born to war-mongering, Spam-eating, beer drinking, Bob Hope listening, Camel smoking, A-bomb building, pinball playing, SQUARE parents, who lived or died during WWII, and are forever caught in an emotional triangle of Frank Sinatra, Presisianist values, and shell-shock caused by the prospect that getting laid once cost an entire lifetime.

The Baby Boomers appeared just at the right time to grab the new contraceptive pill and forever leave their parents upset that they missed out on all the shagging. Unfortunately these days these guys (besides Uncyclopedia) are now kind of in-charge of things. Despite a 1960's of chilling out and generally telling their parents to be nice to people the WWII generation still maintain the notion that it's a good idea to offer up a sacrificial son to appease their blood-lusting leader. Whoever that might be. In presenting this article, Uncyclopedia are, not tryin' ta cause a big sensation, just talkin' 'bout my generation!

Two types of Baby Boomers[edit]

Hillary, a "GIRL" Baby Boomer, is a perfect example of a honky bitch who got raped by a Nigg../oops! I mean, an African American.

Not all Baby Boomers were hipsters. Some of them emulated their angry, shell-shocked parents and became politicians, lawyers, investment bankers, narcs, cops, soldiers, mass-murderers or any combination of the aforementioned. So there are two distinct categories of Baby Boomers, viz., 1) HIP (left), and 2) SQUARE (right).

What are Baby Boomers good for?[edit]

Absolutely nothing? perhaps not...

  • If not for Baby Boomers you wouldn’t even be getting laid… to this day. If it was not for Baby Boomers you wouldn’t even know “HIP” was. There would be no porn on the TV and what you could get from the newsagents would only be from the neck up.
  • Baby Boomers put the ROCK into ROLL.
  • Without Baby Boomers you’d still be using words like, “swell” and “broad!” and saying things like, "ain't she a swell broad?"
  • Without Baby Boomers you would still be collecting Baseball cards.
  • If it wasn’t for Baby Boomers you wouldn’t be sitting in front of your Mac, or your PC, and there wouldn’t be any Internet. You’d still be using a typewriter and counting your fingers. Uncyclopedia would be difficult to access.

So, every time you use your smart-phone, your cool car, your hip threads, your electric dildo, your hemp shoes, your nylon socks, your plasma TV, Your iMac, your foxy lady, your copy of Hustler, your bong or Rizla papers or $100 bill, you can thank your local Baby Boomers for making it all possible. Now go make some carrot-cumber juice and be grateful for the original and ground-breaking HIP Baby Boomers!

Primary Significance of Baby Boomers[edit]

  • Baby Boomers are NOW kind of in-charge and invented Uncyclopedia

Secondary Significance of Baby Boomers[edit]

Joe Pesci - A BABY BOOMER. Still think you're better than a Boomer? You better get your own fuckin' Army, pal!
  • Baby Boomers control the “button".
  • Baby Boomers stopped the Draft. And can start it again.
  • Baby Boomers stopped the 'Nam War'.
  • Baby Boomers discovered Surfing, Gung Fu, and "Shanti".
  • Baby Boomers legalized "love".
  • Baby Boomers (not Marco Polo) discovered India, and vise versa.
  • Baby Boomers switched booze for pot, and from meat to potatos.
  • Baby Boomers invented Porn.

BBs Developed Unmanned Warfare[edit]

Baby Boomers were so turned-off by the goddamn VN draft that they developed remote controlled flying robot battle machines or Predator Drones, which will revolutionize robot v/s robot unmanned warfare (It'll be a load of fun for adults to play)[1]. Because of BBs, wars of the future could really be a gas, so much fun that the Army will be turning strong men away, and recruiting only gay, wiz-kid geeks to man-the-bots. Jeez! "Bot-Wars", it sounds so bitchin'! The war heros of tomorrow will be bot-tled twerps who can bull's eye a Womp Rat back on their home planet.

BB Bot War Rules[edit]

You first find a deserted area, like Iranisthan, make that the battleground, and let the 'bots' shoot it out (winner cleans up). Man! Whoever said the "pen is mightier than the sword" for sure never played 'Bot-Wars'!

Are YOU a HIP Baby Boomer? Take the S.A.T.[edit]

To determine if you were REALLY into Haight-Ashbury during the Summer of Love - 1967 print and complete the following Standardized Attitude Test (S.A.T.):


All generations display a certain attitude when placed. This test is to determine your knowledge of key aspects of the Baby Boomer culture, as well as to obtain an understanding of your Baby Boomer attitude. This test may only be taken once, and if you fail to display relevant knowledge and attitude of a Baby Boomer, you will be marked as square on your permanent record.

  1. Use No. 2 pencil or blue or black pen only.
  2. Make dark marks that fill the square completely.
  3. Do not fold, tear or make stray marks on this answer sheet
  4. No one may leave the room without permission
  5. Cell phone use is not allowed at any time in the test center
  6. Only non-programmable calculators are allowed to be used in the testing environment
Bitchen means Complaining Good (being) female dog
Tits means male breasts female breasts very good
Beatles means an insect a rock band German car
William Westmoreland was a Baby Boomer True False
LBJ was not a Baby Boomer True False
What were the “Diggers” shovel digging with shovels free food givers
Stan Owsley is President of EU a piano player an LSD chef
The Rolling Stones are a land slide stones rolling a loose-as-hell rock band
Pink Floyd are a species of bird a psych band a gay-blade
Being a “freak” is a quality defect both
“Acid” is used in a car battery causes upset stomach loads of fun
Tim Leary is a “space cadet” True False
The Brotherhood of Eternal Love are Christian Buddhist No-hope without-dope.
Richard Nixon was a hippy True False
Tim Leary said Richard Nixon is the most dangerous man in America! True False
The Yardbirds are Hip Hipper Awesome
Gloria was a song by Me You Them
My Generation was a song by who?
Frank Sinatra played Psych music True False

BB Test Results[edit]

British Baby Boomers expressing their frustration (and they were NOT even being drafted in UK - so what's the beef?).

According to California State Law you MUST pass this exam in order to get a doctor's prescription for primo-grass based on a proved and clear diagnosis of BB Syndrome with no possible cure. But, if you read and answered any of these above questions, then you fail. No GENUINE, stoned-out Baby Boomer could be bothered to take this test, anymore than taking the garbage out. Tests suck! Just submit the blank and unsigned test form IF you want to pass. No body can "fool" Obama (besides Uncyclopedia)!


Also see[edit]

Psychedelic music
San Fransisco
Vietnam War
Phil Ochs