Baggins' Fro from the latin, Afrous Bagginsear is an incredible and mysterious physical and religious icon.
Baggins' Fro is a substance that is beyond comprehension. It is located on top of the Baggins' head. It is known fact that Baggins' Fro is one of the largest of all objects in the universe, and has been widely proposed (by science) that the universe itself may in fact be made entirely of Baggins' Fro. Whether this is the case or not it is undeniable that everything in the world at least contains elements of Baggins' Fro. Baggins' Fro contains every element known to man and many that are unknown, it also happens to contain Bob Marley's pinky finger, how this occurred is currently unknown.
The Fro and the Religious World
Baggins' Fro has been a vital part in numerous religions, most notably the Kyle Ryanites of Vandorf, Canada. The Kyle Ryanites base a vital part of their worship around Baggins' Fro. They believe that Baggins' fro is how the universe began, continues, and will end. They believe that when Baggins' Fro naturally or unnaturally is eliminated that the apocalypse will occur, in which 40,000 movie stuntmen and 37,000 cameramen will will punch you in the "ass", punch you in the "cack", and "stick their rigged in peoples owned", afterwards making everyone gay, which would be sweet, except that it means nobody can any longer reproduce. They would then blow up the entirety of the universe with a Gatorade concoction 5 years to the day after the first "cack" or "ass" punch. It should be noted that the Kyle Ryanites borrow numerous aspects of their religion from, and some even consider themselves a sept of, Stevism. Stevism's primary belief is that Steve cannot exist except in the very rare form of being an "asshole". Only one sighting of a Steve has been made, according to the religion, however they also note it was later discovered his name was actually Sven.
The Removal of the Fro
The current Baggins has notified the public that he is planning on permanently removing the Fro, having threatened so by previously temporarily removing it. Many Kyle Ryanites have started to panic due to their belief that this will bring on the apocalypse. In an effort to keep the apocalypse from occurring they have been in search of a new person to appoint as Baggins, but currently have not found one. In a recent interview, Drew Cameron of the Kyle Ryanites, has made it clear that he is determined to see Baggins' Bum (as this is a relic of sorts to the Kyle Ryanites) before the removal of Baggins' Fro and the imminent apocalypse, however, wanting to see Baggins' Bum is a deathwish, as Baggins' Bum is like a Basilisk's eyes, as when you see it you will instantly die, but Baggins' Bum is a lot hotter and cuter then a Basilik's eyes and is definitely worth giving your life away for. Mr. Cameron stated that "It will not be gay to be gay, but it'll suck with the cack and ass punching and all" he quickly added afterwards "Pu yuh baa thruu da ha, fee gaa..."
The New Baggins
There have been six considerations for the role of the new Baggins to date, but all have been decidedly unfit for one reason or another.
- Dennis Rodman
- Mr. T
- Bill Gates
- Matt Noel (a.k.a. tiny cack)
- The Guy Who Went Through The Wood Chipper In Fargo
These men have all however, failed to attain the title of Baggins. A woman came close (Koda Kumi) but she has kooties and thusly cannot be the Baggins.
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