Baghdad Bob

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Baghdad Bob.

Baghdad Bob is the current leader of the sovereign nation of Iraq, having been appointed as the official successor to Saddam Hussein by George W. Bush, just before he (Bush, not Hussein) (no, not Bob, either) (can't you effin read?) was carried to heaven in a flaming chariot. Mr. Bob ("Baggins" to his friends, of which you are not one) sometimes goes by the pseudonym Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf in an attempt to blend in with his fellow Iraqis, but his mom gets really upset by this. She named him for his dad, Tigris Euphrates Bob, and it's a proud name.

Before ascending to the throne of Babylon, Baghdad Bob was instrumental in providing the only true narrative of the 2003 Gulf War to the citizens of Baghdad and the rest of the world (excluding the United States, which was under an infinite improbability field at the time and thought they were invading the Olsen Twins). Without his diligent reporting, several important facts would have never been known to the (rest of the) world:

  • The mass suicide of American troops at the walls of Baghdad
  • The "surrender" of fake Iraqi soldiers, which turned out to be extras from the filming of the fake moon landings.
  • That Bush is actually a dwarf.
  • God's recipe for Roast American Stomach In Hell
  • Al Jazeera's total pwnership by the CIA

Unfortunately, very few details are available as to Baghdad Bob's benevolent rule over the country that adores him as he does them do um, whatever. Because many of the root servers that compose the Intarweb pass through America, the aforementioned improbability field distorts all images and stories passed through mainstream channels turning them into advertising.