# Baldness

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“Baldness- It's not just for your grandpa anymore!”

~ Movie from health class on Baldness

In mathematics, baldness is the set of all points on a male human head which are bereft of male human hair.

## Bald spot theorem

Advanced vector calculus proves that it is impossible to comb all hairs on a male human head in the same general direction, even with the application of copious quantities of superhold styling gel. As a result, there exists (at least) one point on every male human head of which the hair growing from out of all surrounding points spirals outwards. This particular point (technically termed a "bald spot" in advanced barberology[1]) lacks hair, because the sun shines there without mercy, like in a lifeless desert. Therefore, all men possess (at least) one bald spot, especially Socrates. ${\displaystyle Q.E.D.}$

They will also be A HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE deciding factor in the upcoming election. Have you SEEN the debates? "Joe the Plumber"? Bald people are huuuuuuge!

Some also theorise that bald people are decendents of the egga-kegga-king, for he was born an egg and as such no hair was made.

## Proof that all men are bald

As of April 2006, Homer Simpson possesses three (and only three) hairs on his head. Also, Homer is bald (by definition). Let ${\displaystyle M_{3}=Homer}$. If a man ${\displaystyle M_{n+1}}$ has one hair more than a man ${\displaystyle M_{n}}$ that is bald, then ${\displaystyle M_{n+1}}$ is also bald[2]. Therefore, by induction through the infinitely many finite ordinals, all men with either the same amount of, or more hair than, Homer (${\displaystyle n\geq 3}$) are bald.

Unfortunately, this stunning and counterintuitive proof leaves a small number of cases left to consider, namely ${\displaystyle M_{0}}$, ${\displaystyle M_{1}}$, ${\displaystyle M_{2}}$, and ${\displaystyle M_{\infty }}$. Since all men with hair have a bald spot (see above), it follows that a man with no hair has no bald spot. As a result, since ${\displaystyle M_{0}}$ has no hair, he himself also lacks a bald spot. Thus, ${\displaystyle M_{0}}$ is not bald. By induction through the finite ordinals less than 3, both ${\displaystyle M_{1}}$ and ${\displaystyle M_{2}}$ are also not bald, in spite of the fact that their comb-overs are totally lame and we laugh derisively at them[3]. However, we dare not laugh at ${\displaystyle M_{\infty }}$'s comb over, because ${\displaystyle M_{\infty }}$ is God Almighty Himself, the Infinitely Hairy One who wouldst smite us for acting so wickedly.