Bangkok

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“I am going to Bangkok!”

~ A single lady on an online dating site

“One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble”

~ Murray Head

“He who walks through door sideways with erection, is always going to Bangkok”

~ Sun Tzu on Philosophy

“In Soviet Russia, kok bang YOU!!!”

~ Russian Reversal on Bangkok
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bangkok.


Bangkok, also known as Bangcock In fact, while Bangkok is the English name for the city, its real name is Krungthepmahanakornamornrattanakosinmahinwhatthefucksuckmyblackpakistanicockkarachaoeduphrayarivasonikkuaayutthayamahatalokpopnopfuckfckfuckaratratchataniburriromudongamprashit. This is the longest official place name in the world. Thais call it Krung Thep (city of angels/virgins) for short.

History[edit]

Bangkok was one of two twin cities (the other being Suckock), established in the year of our satan,1769. The Chinese portion of the city, although disputed because of arguments about territorial possessions, became known as Buangkok. (In Singapore) The story of its foundation is told in the musicals In My Pants! and Once Upon A Mattress.

As the city grew in size and length, people dug canals that line the city, for smuggling spicy food and small children directly to people's homes. However, this trade soon came to a halt as the diarrhea and gonorrhea that resulted soon fowled the canals, and for example, Klong Sean Sap.

In the last few decades, because of the open thighs agreement between countries that liberalized sex tourism and pedophilia, Bang-cock has become an international success story for upwardly mobile sex workers. These prostitutes wine and dine at the world's most exclusive clubs on generous corporate expense accounts, attracting investment from the world's premier womanizers, and with this success a gleaming new airport has been built. It's unique among major airports that it has a landing strip resembling a vagina, which has drawn controversy among some nearby residents that can't sleep because of all the moaning noise. Also, some are afraid that the hole itself in the landing strip may cause a plane to get stuck or tangled in the vegetation lining the landing strip.

Work has initiated in this last year (as early as April) to erect an even newer, king-sized air port. The actual length of the air strip has been reported to be a record 69 meters in length, and will be laid with a very durable latex material. This unnamed scientific material, a rather new invention, is said to be durable enough to protect any surface from hazardous chemicals and weather conditions (such as sleet storms and radioactive fallout).

Due to the lack of any creativity in the United States of America, Bangkok is also a suburb of the city ofDallas, Texas. If you hear that Bangkok is in Thailand, like from Wikipedia, this is most likely a heaping pile of male cow feces - It is ONLY IN TEXAS. and in your mom. and sometimes in my pants.

Oriental Cities[edit]

The City of Bangkok while outwardly seems to be a haven of Homosexual Debauchery and a den of Chinese is actually neither, the City is in fact the home of, Built for, and used only for the annual Bob Barker Charity Chess Tournament for underpriviliged Girl Scouts, Every few days the Creme de la Creme of the Chess World decend upon the city in their flying saucers and battle for possession of Yule Brenner's Corpse.

Known Participants[edit]

Super Powers[edit]

Hard men should avoid Bangkok as it has been known to make them humble. Furthermore, the appearance of a tough guy within Bangkok's borders has been known to cause earthquakes, thus making them tumble. For some reason, citizens of the city do not seem to notice these earthquakes, nor anything else that westerns complain about. Others have reported to the assorted travel guides that the world became their Oyster merely by spending one night in Bangkok. Angels and devils are also known to frequent the area, choosing simply to walk alongside tourists.

Side Effects[edit]

  • ROFL MY PENISH
  • Loss of spelling skills
  • Anal bleeding
  • Everyone goes: "Góðan daginn" over and over
  • Makes the hard man humble
  • Not much between despair and Ecstasy
  • The Tough Guys Tumble
  • Not Being too careful with your company
  • Can feel the devil walking next to you and inside your rectum

Culinaria[edit]

The Oysters served here, especially the Golden variety have been known to house Gods and Goddesses. Diners are cautioned as there may be a risk associated with consuming raw shellfish as is the case with other raw protein products. If you suffer from chronic illness of the liver, stomach, or blood, or have other immune disorders, you should eat these products fully cooked. Retailers, please advise your customers. LR 40:5

The Lyrics:[edit]

VERSE 1:
Bangkok, Oriental setting
And the city don't know what the city is getting
The creme de la creme of the chess world in a
Show with everything but Yul Brynner
Time flies - doesn't seem a minute
Since the Tirolean spa had the chess boards in it
All change - don't you know that when you
Play at this level there's no ordinary venue
It's Iceland... or the Philippines... or Hastings... or... or this place!
CHORUS:
One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
And if you're lucky then the god's a she
I can feel an angel sliding up to me
VERSE 2:
One town's very like another
When your head's down over your pieces, brother
It's a trap, it's a bore, it's really such a pity
To be looking at the board, not looking at the city
Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town...
Tea, girls, warm, sweet, sweet
Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite
Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist
Whose every move's among the purest
I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine
CHORUS 2:
One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me
BRIDGE
VERSE 3:
Siam's gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness
This grips me more than would a
muddy old river or reclining Buddha
And thank God I'm only watching the game, controlling it
I don't see you guys rating
The kind of mate I'm contemplating
I'd let you watch, I would invite you
But the queens we use would not excite you
So you better go back to your bars, your temples, your massage parlours
CHORUS 3:
One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
A little flesh, a little history
I can feel an angel sliding up to me
CHORUS 2