Banned from the Internet
- Top Posting - Due to several cases where people have gone blind from reading things out of logical order, top posting is prohibited on all Internet newsgroups and mailing lists.
| I was banned from Uncyclopedia, and all I got was this lousy template!|
As agreed on by the Masters of the Internet, there are several different ways to get permanently banned from the Internet.
The list is not strictly followed, and people are commonly banned just because the Masters of the Internet feel like it.
Getting banned from the Internet means getting your IP address removed, and your modem, computer, and any storage media that you have confiscated without trial. You will also lose your driver's license permanently, go to jail (...directly to jail! No passing go, no collecting $200), be forced to have a philosophical conversation with Neil Young, be slapped in the face with a Hello Kitty Vibrator, and cast into the outernet. Furthermore, you will be briefly sentenced to the 5th Layer of Hell, but only the part where goblins poke out your guts with spoons lubricated with mayonaise.
How to get banned
- Illegal Activity - This includes pyramid scams, lottery scams, selling illegal things, using drugs, etc. It is especially illegal to read Uncyclopedia articles or even worse, to write or edit them.
- Warez Handling/Sharing - A mass-spread infection across hundreds of IRC networks and membership-required websites, Warez is widely considered the marijuana or crack cocaine of the internet, being that once the user in question grabs hold of anything possibly illegal, be it songs or Microsoft XP Pro, their conscience is reprogrammed to steak from honest, hard-working Microsoft. Steal even.
- Swearing - The most common offence leading to banning. Anyone caught Swearing on the Internet will be immediately banned without a single mother fucking goddamn warning.
- Piracy - Everyone on the Internet pays for their music, or else they wouldn't be on the Internet anymore. (see Warez Handling/Sharing)...or you could just be a literal cyber sea pirate....arrrggghhh mateys! However, many environmentalists protest this rule because it contributes to global warming.
- Pornography - Anyone caught posting, looking at, searching for, storing, ingesting or thinking about Pornography on the Internet will get banned. See also Pics Plz.
- Fibbing - The Internet has very high standards for reliable information. Anyone caught posting information that is not true will be banned, have their skin eaten and the information will be removed.
- Wiki Vandalism - Unlike shoplifting, wiki vandalism hurts everyone and is punishable by death. UR MOM IS GHEY LOL
- Impersonation of Cecil - 'As co-founder of the sub-terranean internetchamber system, the impersonation of Cecil is an offence punishable only by Banning. Or in some cases Death.' ~By Cecil.
- Refusing to Forward Chain Mail - The integrity of the systems that forward email around the world depend upon everyone diligently forwarding every interesting email to at least their twelve closest friends. Note failure to send such mails can also result in bad luck, deteriorating health and the deaths of small children. Like this one guy, he didn't forward one, and he woke up at the bottom of a well where he was killed. True story.
- Forwarding Chain Mail - According to the IETF, "Never send chain letters via electronic mail. Chain letters are forbidden on the Internet. Your network privileges will be revoked. Notify your local system administrator if your ever receive one." (Like, seriously. They actually said that.)
- Presenting False Personal Information - Everyone on the Internet is careful to ensure that their behaviour and statements are a true reflection of their real-world self. On the Internet, everyone knows you're a fat middle-aged man.
- Being a skeptic - Failure to believe everything you read on the Internet will result in a note in your permanent record, as well as banning.
- Also: "harrassing trolls; or using your real name." -Algore
- Eating Bon-bons - It is a well known fact that if you are ever caught eating bon-bons while using the Internet, not only will you be banned, but executed as well. With bon-bons being the leading cause of death in the world, a well-educated person would not find this surprising. This can cause Obesity as well.
- Democracy- Talking about, thinking about or reading about democracy will earn you an instaban from the internet. You will be deported to China, where coincidentially this page got uncyclopedia Banned From China.
- Speaking "Leet" - 1337 5?34|< \/\/45 b4|\||\|3d 1n /\?R||_ 0ph 2oo5 \/\/h3n 1+ [email protected] 4n|\|0|_|n3|> 6y +|-|3 |_|.5. |>3?4r+|\/|3|\|+ 0|= 5 |_||\|1f!e|> |-|0|\/|3|_/\n|> (|>|_||-|) +h4+ |+ !5 +3h 5e<r3t c0d3-|[email protected] 0f !||[email protected]+e +3rR0r!5+5. |-|0w3\/3r, !+ 1s 5+ihl !n usex0r !n +eh |_|n|>3r 9R0u|/||> teR|?0r!5+ +r4|n|n9 ?r09r4|\/| <0u|\|+3r5+R!|<3.
- Attracting too much of Peer's attention.
- Camping in Counter Strike - Also those who use the more advanced weapons developed to the game instead of fighting with a knife or some lousy pistol, will be banned. Shooting through any concrete walls will result in the same.
- Hitler- As soon as you compare someone to Hitler, you lose the argument immediately, the thread closes, and you are banned. For this reason, when arguing with someone on the internets, you should try to trick your opponent into comparing you with Hitler. Rallying for the extermination of the Jewish race or proposing that people follow you in a war for the purity of the Aryan blood is an effective way to to assure you won't be banned from the internet. You will also win a Certificate of Hitlertude.
- Graphically representing the ash - This kind of activity is condemned, Sherrod DeGrippo.
- Anti-Yaoi 80% the admins in the internet, especially in Deviantart, are yaoi fanboys/girls. You Dare insult their magificent Garra X Sasuke Non-canon couple,YOU'RE DEAD.
- Residing in the City of Detroit - No questions asked, its just a fact of life.
- Being a furry or furry fan - It's official, God hates them.
- Not being a furry or furry fan - They made rules like this just to piss you off.
- Clicking popup and banner ads This makes huge companies get money. You wouldn't want that, right?
- Being a member of the Global Cabal of Policemen (GCP). No matter how quickly or slowly you enunciate your title, someone will figure it out and you'll be banned. That, and you have to tell them you're a Policeman if they ask. It's no fun at all.
- Linking to your userpage - Even if the name doesn't match, It's disgusting, terrible, and just not right. I for one never do that sort of thing.
- Not being a brony: Bronies are the new internet 1337ness, how dare you not get converted!
- Being a brony: all due to your sheer faggotry.
- How to get banned from Uncyclopedia
- King of the Internet. Don't cross this guy. He'll eat you, starting with your long pork sword, pausing only to spit out the seed.
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