“Barney once raped me as a child.. i liked it”
“I hate you. you hate me. Barney gave me HIV”
“Hey, this says Banrey! Why isn't it redirecting to Barney???”
Diabolus Rex Barnicus Also known as Barney by his vict.. erm friends, is a subspecies of the Diabolus Rex Straightus. Besides boasting diabolical powers, it also has the ability of attracting little children so he can later be "friends" with them. One strange fact of the Barney is the fact that all the children that go to his "tree" house disappear, never to be seen again. One theory is that in order for Barnicus to survive he eats little childrens. Another is that he rapes the children because he can absorb their live force out of them in this fashion. Another, more interesting, theory is a combination of both theories. Barnicus may, in fact, sexually absorb the life force of his friends, then eats them, then finally send them to hell. Anyhow, if you care for the life of your child, it is advisable that you don't let your childrens near this awful (and quite frankly, dangerous) beast.
Barney is the Anti-Christ
Noted historians and conspiracy theorists believe that Barney the Dinosaur is in fact the Anti-Christ spoken of in the Bible (Revelation 13:18 - "This calls for wisdom: let him who has understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man, its number is six hundred and sixty six")
This can be proved using the following simple logic: When the verse in Revelation was written, Latin was the dominant language. The Roman alphabet contained also the Roman numerals for the time. The letter equivalents are: I = 1 V = 5 X = 10 L = 50 C = 100 D = 500 M = 1000
"Barney the Dinosaur" = "Cute Purple Dinosaur". Latin did not have a "u", instead the letter "v" is used. This now becomes: "CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR" .... dropping non-numbered letters, we are left with: "CV V L DI V" This is the equivalent of 100 + 5 + 5 + 50 + 500 + 1 + 5 = 666 Irrefutable proof that Barney the Dinosaur is the Anti-Christ!!
There is much controversy on the origin of this strange being, and although everybody knows he is gay, they do not agree on how this purple gay monster came into existence. Here are some here theories:
Hollywood: He is the gay son of Godzilla who was hidden away until they finished recording the film with the Pope, because of the fear of Barney giving the Pope AIDS.
Scientific: The legend states that at one time were two immortal beings named Ricky Bobby and Lance Bass, Ricky Bobby expelled Bass from the paradise where they had their armies destroy millions of times over and tried to kill him with a pipe bomb. After doing this, Bass exploded in a big cloud of fire, but a little piece of his jizz escaped, and landed on Britney Spears. It was gay enough to make a big, purple pedophile we know as Barney.
Religious: "He is of but the healthy thing that there is so that the small ones see..." This phrase of its sanctity Bishop Oscar Wilde III, a sample that according to Chuck Norris and Apostolic Barney is an angel of the gentleman originally named Allah to teach to the children about Barney, a diosaur who can eat the white people and steal all of their money. There are thousands of kids barney has molested, and in fact Barney has nine lives, there are not many idiots who dedicate themselves to investigate the origin of this gay beast but the only thing that they know is that gay is that Barney's negative impact will be felt for centuries...
Barney has green and purple with a green belly and poisonous spots on his ass, even more poisonous than the Komodo Dragon. Contact with its skin causes a disease called "Barnio Stupidismo", in which Barney takes advantage of the disease to molest the children who have it. This dinosaur has yellow toenails, which have more than 200 species of fungi and athlete's foot. Being near Barney is hazardous to the health and causes irreversible psychological damage. Barney's purple skin paralyzes children, leaving them dribbling and drooling with an open mouth, in a wheelchair, unable to walk or talk. Just touching Barney's purple skin will give a kid AIDS, herpes, Down's Syndrome, and Huntington's Disease.
Barney's diabolical eyes release a gamma wave that causes brain damage that makes people to move their heads left to right and vice versa, and to dance like a stupid idiot, and Barney's breath plays a song of hypnotic voodoo.
The most popular conspiracy here evah is that this page says Banrey. That is wrong. The only reason why you see that word is not because we want to ban some guy named Rey, but because you looked for Men in Black. Yeah, that's right, they erased your memory and any memory of the words about Banrey here and There.
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