Barack Obama/Colonization

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Introduction 1[edit]

Barack Hussein Obama II is the current Dictator of the Global Alliance. All hail the Glorious Leader! Before he rose to power, we were a troubled people. Different countries fighting, corrupt and unattractive politicians cheating the people of our great global state, people in poverty stricken areas like Africa scarcely had enough to eat or drink as disease ravaged the land. Indeed, even The Jonas Brothers were still popular in those dark and desperate times. Now thanks to Obama, every family on Earth has food to eat, water to drink, and plenty of Barack O Bills in their wallets as we stand in unity under our fair and kind leader’s banner.

Introduction 2[edit]

Barack Hussein Obama II is the 44th and current President of the United States. He served as a Senator from Illinois from 2005 through 2008. Since assuming the office in January 2009, he has made subtle, sweeping changes in policy and government. His supporters claim he has quickly improved the United States government and the country in general, while his detractors claim that his accomplishments are embellished and an imminent totalitarian state is his plan. Obama has been quoted as saying that his favorite book is 1984 by George Orwell.

Early life and career[edit]

Barack Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii to Stanley Ann Dunham. A woman with a duality of Christian and Agnostic beliefs. His Kenyan father had been raised as a Muslim, though later became an Atheist. Early on in his life, Obama was confronted with a variety of views, be they religious, philosophical or political.

Political career[edit]

Citizens of Obama's district were always safe under his watchful eye.

Obama wasn't anything special or extraordinary in his early life. In reality, he was a failure. He was less than average at school, and failed miserably at rapping. He also tried basketball, baseball and even soccer, but he fell right on his face, literally, each time. This led him to pursue a political career, as it is the only kind of career where dorks can succeed. He, as a dork, excelled at politics, and quickly ascended the ladder until he became a state senator. There, he began his practice for becoming a dictator. Under the reign of King Blagojevich III, he spread the wealth around his district, leading communities and churches to lasting prosperity under the watchful eye of the patented Obama Cams®.

Rise to power[edit]

Through his message of hope and change, he won the support of many. He ran and won for the U.S. Senate in 2004, under the slogan "Vote Obama-trust him." In 2008, the American people were blinded by his mezmerising speeches. Promising the American people a hopeful future, he defeated that creepy old guy for the Presidency in 2008. After his inauguration, he firmly spread the word of hope and change to all walks of life, and to all peoples in all nations, so that we may prosper under his warming, glowing, warm glow.

In his early years as President, humorous pictures like this one didn't really bother him. However, change was coming.

Cementing of Power[edit]

Every so often this picture screams "Hope and change" and shoots fire out of its mouth.

With the American people lulled in to a false sense of security, he passed the Enabling Act of 2010 through congress, causing congress to explode upon ratifying it. With the interfering voices of the American people out of the way, he could freely dispose of Joe Biden in the most amusing way possible (he experimented with dummies for a while about this, and he eventually decided on stuffing him with fruit like a chicken until he burst) and instating Barack's Domain of Sexy Monitors (BDSM for short), the public face of which was spiffy little pictures of the man himself hanging on walls in public places, with eyes that follow you around as you pass by. As an added bonus, source of revenue and gimmick, he began to sell "mini-Baracks", desk-top bobble-heads of the President, that you can put anywhere: the dinner table, your desk at work, your car, your bathroom, your bedroom, anywhere, so he can watch you while you eat/work/drive/crap/masturbate/plot against him.

Personal life[edit]

A complete mystery. No one know's the current where abouts of Obama. Obama's media screening and revising team have removed any information including Obama that they have deemed "A danger to the Great Lord's Safety". They have sucsessfully removed any mention of Obama in nearly any television show or magazine, as well as heavy deletion of any internet web pages or articles mentioning him. However, Google Maps still shows Obama's where abouts if you type "Obama" into the search bar. Obama's media revising team is trying to resolve this problem as quickly as possible and Obama has personally outlawed any use of Google other than the Image Search.

In one rare interview, Obama highlighted the diversity of his extended family: "It's like a little mini-Mars Bar," he said. "I've got relatives who look like George Bush, and I've got relatives who look like Thomas the Tank Engine." Obama has seven wives from his Kennedy family, six of them living, and a half-sister with whom he was raised, Maya Yummy-Ng, the daughter of his mother and her Indonesian eighteenth husband.

In Dreams from My Father, Obama ties his mother's family history to possible Native American ancestors and distant relatives of Jefferson Davis, president of the southern Confederacy during the American Civil War. But of course, all copies of the book were immediately deleted to "protect the Great Lord".

Cultural image[edit]

While people initially thought of Obama almost as a Messiah, he has revealed himself to be the exact opposite.


See also[edit]