Barney the Dinosaur Hitler

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Barney the Dinosaur Hittite links here. For dinosauric Hittites in general, see Hittites who happened to also be dinosaurs. For other uses, see Hitler (disambiguation)

Barney the Dinosaur Hitler - F├╝hrersarus Rex

F├╝hrersarus Rex (b. Nov. 11, 1164 (Belgrade), d. June 14, 1994 (Wolverhampton)) was born to a Hittite family of modest means, and lived in solitude for most of his life. Barney the Dinosaur Hitler was the dictator of Yugosl*via from the period of 1945 - 1994.

Hitler to Dinosaur Hitler[edit]

May, 1945[edit]

As Adolf Hitler, the Fuhrer of Nazi Germany sat in his bunker amid a hail of American, English, and Soviet bombs, contemplating suicide, he decided to first make one last wish, He stared out the window of his underground bunker and looked up at the sky. He saw what appeared to him to be an American nuclear weapon. He then said aloud his one last wish upon this shooting star/nuclear bomb: "Please don't let that be a nuclear bomb..." It turned out to be a Soviet nuclear bomb, and failed, destroying only Al Gore

Hitler's Second Last Wish[edit]

Realizing that he had wasted his last wish on some stupid, civilian/infrastructure saving thing, he remembered he was Hitler and used the last last wish on himself. His second last wish was, "Please allow me to go back in time to 80 Million years ago...and oh, when i get there, make me an immortal dinosaur/Hitler combination

August, 79,998,055 BC - January, 1492[edit]

Dinosaur Hitler's Bout With Depression[edit]

When Dinosaur Hitler arrived in the distant past, he arrived in a world very different from his own. There were no weak, defenseless little nation-states to conquer, no certain "chosen people of Israel" to pick on, no Catholics to burn, no gypsies to gas. Hell, there wasn't even gas to gas them with. Now, in full realization of this fact, Dinosaur Hitler did many other things to pass the time. He played Boggle, Scrabble, and Parcheesi, and he always won... always. Somehow, this didn't make him feel better. Later (around 45,000,000 BC), he began to dabble in the Dark Arts. He slowly but surely became very depressed. His only happy moments were when someone on the streets would tap the shoulder of their friend, and quietly say, "Hey, isn't that Dinosaur Hitler?". Dinosaur Hitler, being Dinosaur Hitler, could hear even the slightest noise. But those happy moments were soon ended by the response, "No, it's just Tom Cruise out for a walk". All the people around Dinosaur Hitler could see that he looked just like Tom Cruise, but Dinosaur Hitler himself just couldn't see it. The last straw came one day in 1091 in the city of Arquitlu, the capital of the lost civilization of Lemuria (which had been the home of Dinosaur Hitler for quite some time. He owned a small flat on Bradbury Street, but being the perfectionist that we all know Dinosaur Hitler to be, he never got used to it, and always felt like a guest in his own home). Dinosaur Hitler was walking along and some guy walked by and exclaimed to his friend, and to a growing crowd of people "hey, isn't that Dinosaur Hitler?" This was answered with something Dinosaur Hitler had never heard before, "hey, i think it is..." followed with, "wow, that is so cool, imagine, seeing Dinosaur Hitler on the street like this...wow". For a moment it appeared that Dinosaur Hitler would be cured of his depression, and would finally get back to killing the Jews and the Catholics and the gypsies. I mean, come on people...it was 1091, the Jews, Catholics, and Gypsies were back, and I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that the Mongols used poison gas on the Chinese around this time (stupid wall...). For a moment, everything was looking up for Dinosaur Hitler... and then, a voice rose up from the back of the crowd; it was just a small child, no older than 7 or 8. He said "no, it isn't, thats just Jim Carrey!" But instead of making Dinosaur Hitler sad, it made Dinosaur Hitler angry... And you wouldn't like Dinosaur Hitler when he's angry.

Dinosaur Hitler to Barney the Dinosaur Hitler[edit]

Dinosaur Hitler changed his name because of the witness protection program, but that's not important right now... also because Barney the Dinosaur Hitler was absolutely batshit, up-the-creek and mad. To this day the dinosaur that has eaten the most Jews and frightened the most Kelly's must be Barney the Hitler. Tadzhikstan!!! Chinese listen to tool. Why is there a spacebar? i will always be traumatized by Barney's enormous toe display in the February of my seventh year. Garsh. Curse you Barney the Dinosaur Hitler!