Barrel Roll

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Barrel Rolling is, as one may expect, the act of placing a barrel on its long side and applying force such that it starts a graceful rolling motion.

DO A BARREL ROLL!!![edit]

(Z OR R TWICE) DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL DO A BARREL ROLL (Z OR R TWICE)

Because Peppy fucking said so.

In Real Life[edit]

Barrel Roll technology has come a long way since its inception in the 1950s. At the beginning, the more cubishly shaped crates were being used instead, with obvious results. It was only in 1984, when Al Gore presented his university thesis, "Ease of rollability of Flat Shapes compared to Curved Shapes compared to Barbecue Shapes", that Pentagon acceded to the demands of the populace to attempt rolling of a barrel.

Within 2 years, the United States' fleet of M1 Crate Rollers had been sold to Cuba and replaced with the advanced M1A1 Barrel Rollers. They then proceeded to use this technologically superior force to destroy Atlantis.

A barrel roll maneuver performed by Cloud McFox himself, in real life. What the...

Advances in Barrel Rolling Technology[edit]

The United States invests 4.5 gazillion dollars in barrel-rolling technology each year. Some of the more recent developments are:

  • Amphibious barrels - with this breakthrough by Alexander Graham Bell, barrels ceased to be made of metal and were instead cast in the new experimental substance wood. Defying all known physics, the barrels somehow became able to float on water.
  • Increased power - via use of seemingly randomly placed rampage, some skilled barrel roll engineers were able to make their barrel rolls better. Stronger. Faster. It is estimated that the total fundage spent on this development was 6 Billions and billions of dollars.
  • Increased range - An ingenious scientist extrapolated from a slingshot a small children shot him in the kneecap with while recuperating in hospital, and expanded the design onehundredfold, allowing it to fire barrels to any point on the Earth or Mars. For this discovery he was assassinated by the CIA to stop it getting into enemy hands.
  • Projectile Deflection - Technology developed by Lt. Slippy by which preforming a Barrel Roll in the experimental ARWING aircraft makes it virtually bulletproof. WARNING: Barrel Rolls are not always the best decision, as overuse of the maneuver can cause sterility.

In The Media[edit]

Barrel Rolling was the main weapon used in Star Wars Episode VI: The Empire Goes on Strike Upon the Return of the Phantom Clones.

When Luke Skywalker and Boba Fett find themselves under attack by Daleks on the brewery moon of Ender's Game, the only weapons available at the time were the heavy barrels of ale strewn about the place.

Needless to say, the movie ends with them on trial for the wanton destruction of the precious substance.

Donkey Kong, the famous Nintendo character, is something of an expert at Barrel Rolling. So much so that it has been postulated that Nintendo have been stealing Barrel Rolling technology from the US and are preparing an army of apes to march on them. It was in fear of this that the US created the Pacific Ocean in the hopes that the apes would drown before reaching them.

Not What You Wanted?[edit]

Perhaps you were looking for one of these other famous Barrel Rolls

  • Barrel Rolls-Royce
  • Barrel Bread Rolls
  • OPEC. The OPECkers have had the Americans over a barrel for years...