Bartholomew 'Bart' JoJo Constintine Charles Brian Aberforth Michael Ay Carumba Hunt Joseph Frank (the Mole) David Cereal Alfred Dirty Socks Shoeshine Andrew Mangina Fonkonskini Idilho "I'm a Hobo" Indian Georgiizzz FBI Frugenjum Alberto Naked Fat Cheney Bush bin Laden Pamela Barrack Homo Mufasio Sister Carlos Anderson Laxatives Lee Frank Marajuana Hitler de Macklemore el Diablo McChicken Nancy Charlie McMole Osama Cocoa Yogurt Simpson is one of the most outstanding citizens residing in Springfield. He is the only person Satan worships. Last heard, Satan has collected 666 straws used by Bart to drink soda. Bart comes from a particular wise family who give out advise to lost youth and found geriatrics on their TV show called, The Simpsons. The word brat in the English language comes from an anagram of Bart. It is often argued if he actually ages, or if he'll remain 10 years old forever. This article proves he's one of the most despicable, grotesque, unlikeable, hateable, vacuous, selfish, remorseless people to ever live on Earth.
There are a lot of stories on how the Holy Bart came into being. One of them of course is the most refuted rumor that he is a product of the sexual union between Homer Simpson and Marge Simpson. The other story says that Bart came from the sea when the Seattle grunge metal band Nirvana was shooting still images for their album Never mind. His naked sermon to Kurt Cobain changed Kurt's life completely. As you can see in the image that Bart arrived from the heavens as old as he always is. It is rumored that morphologically Bart will always remain immortal. There are more than a hundred thousand stories of Bart's origin, which you can choose to believe depending on what faith and religion you follow. A comprehensive encyclopedia is available on Whamazon.com for $666.
Bart has married and divorced several people. His first known love was Fergie whom aborted all seventeen children that would have been him. He had marriages and divorces to all the Spice Girls. He married Lance Bass in Vegas and divorced when he realized that Lance was a gay man, not Hilary Duff. Duff (Don’t confuse Duff with Duff beer although both are believed to contain female hormones) and Simpson had sex and Haley Duff videotaped it and posted it on YouTube; both Duffs and Simpson are not speaking ever since Hillary went and laid rock star Joel Madden whom is now married to his brother Benji, whom is now married to Mariah Carey at the same time. His most popular marriage was to Amanda from QLD as they had a child whom his brother in law David from QLD killed, thinking it was a rabid sock puppet. After the death of their son, Simpson and Amanda divorced. Bart was once raped by Lance Bass soon after their divorce; this made Bart so angry, he killed Bass with a grappling hook and made love with God's prostitute and Simpson's mother, Marge, simultaneously in an Airplane seat (the onlookers behind them, one recorded as Black Jesus, never where the same). Bart disappeared for most of 2003 for he had surgery to become a woman, renamed himself "Barterella" and did it dirty with female lesbians. A photo of Barterella making love with Ellen DeGenerous still haunts Canada and kittens to tears. In the late '90's, Bart forced Miley Cyrus (famous daughter of Captain Jack Sparrow and Jessica Rabbit) to marry him. Their kids are Rosie O Donnell, Blackadder, Terminator, Sir Alan Sugar, Alvin and the chipmunks, Juno and Lois Griffin. After defeating his rivals, Bart would usually steal their girlfriend and/or wife.that is the reason why homer said that Bart won world greatest sex machine. bart also had butt sex with his homer a few times. bart said that, "it was the greatest butt sexing i've ever had!" bart is currently married to Dianna Stephenson. they have 3 kids togther, named bart jr, rosalynn, & Wednesday. (rosalynn & wednesday are girls). bart jr is 10, rosalynn is 8, & wednesday is 1. they are so cute!
In 1995, Bart decided to be a singer/rapper when he meet New York rapper 50 Cent. He realsed his first album, Do The Bartman in 1995 but got bad reviews (1 Person bought it WTF?). After a long period of doing your mom and your dad, he then released his 2nd album December 15 2004 called, The Bart Simpson Story and was a big (s)hit (LOL).
-Tracklist of The Bart Simpson Story-
1. Intro - Why You Little!!! (Preformed by Homer Simpsons)
2. Skateboard Chaos
3. Do The Bartman (V8 Version)
4. Shit Can Happen
5. I'm The King
6. Fuck Skinner
7. Suck My Fat Ass Balls
8. Don't Have a Cow Man (Remix) featuring Eminem
9. I Hate Life
10. The E.N.D. (skit)
11. Ay, Crumba (feat. Lisa)
12. Eat My Motherfucking Shorts, Bitch
The album hit stores and sold about 1 billion copies the first day (WTF!?!?!). It then was sucked on by Metacritic which gave it a 93 out of 100 saying, "DAMN DIS BOY CAN DO ANYTHING". Rolling Stone gave it a 5 out of 5 stars saying, "BRILIANT!!! everything matches and the rhymes were so AWESOME". It was rated the best album made from Uncylopedia by Your Mom. Slant Magazine (the fucking stupid bitches of rating) said "Even though it was brilliant, he still used some of the stuff from Do The Bartman album like the remix of Do The Bartman & Don't Have A Cow Man which were sucky singles." A Deluxe Edition of the album was released in 2012, with 5 more tracks called "Sugar Brush", " Fucking Bastards", "I Fucked Your Mom", "Dr. Gay & Tech 69 (Diss to Dr Dre and Tech N9ne) & "The Simpsons (Featuring The Simpsons (Lisa, Homer, Marge & Abe)".
Beef with Dr Dre
Before The Bart Simpsons Story, Bart asked Dr. Dre to be on the track, The E.N.D. (Every Nigga Dies). Dre refused and Bart dissed him on Suck My Fat Ass Balls saying
Dre your gay and that's what Suge Knights says, SUCK MY FAT ASS BALLS, bitch
Dr Dre responded in "Bart Simpson: The Gay One". Bart then shot Dr. Dre in a bar, but charges were dropped because Bart made a hit album. Bart dissed Tech N9ne because he sucks.
In the mixtape, The Bart Simpson Mix, on the track Fuck Love Obama, Bart said the N world. Black People got made because they thought Bart was a racist, and boycotted the album. Bart made apology saying " Fuck no, in no way im saying I'm Sorry black people". Bart never rapped again until his new album BART WORLD, coming 2030
Battles Bart fought and lived to tell about
It is well known The Simpsons invited many beings and powerful entities to come to Springfield. What is not too well known is that Bart has a open challenge to anyone who wants to challenge their power against the Holy one. The list consist of every person Bart has fought and defeated. Some of their losses was so severe that there was repercussions after the battle. Bart fought Dr Dre and Tech 9 in a rap battle and lost to Eminem.
- It was revealed in The Simpsons movie that Bart has a small Penis which makes woman who wanted to sleep with him walk away pointing their fingers between his legs and giggling.
- Some people claim that Bart and Albert Wesker are related.seeing as both are blond,dark, evil and are bad asses.
- Bart has slept with everybody's girl. That's why homer claimed Bart won worlds greatest sex machine.
|Jessica Simpson||Homer Simpson|
|Bart Simpson||OJ Simpson|
|Abe Simpson||Ashlee Simpson|
- Write his name in mediæval scripture, and it looks like Barf Simpton.