Bartering

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Bartering is a form of primitive merchandise exchange. It is practiced largely among spatially challenged, nearly-naked economists on the yet-to-be-named, third lump of largely-useless, celestial debris out from the star universally known in space-truck circles as "Not Just Any Other G Spot".

Unprotected bartering, a baser form of the term, usually dabbled in by hominoids with last names such as 'Ray-gun' and 'Squash-that-guv-nor' typically involves the trading away of a riduclously unimportant thing such as "time" or "work" or a "green card" for a coveted item(often referred to as it is being tossed aside later) as "garbage", "crap" or "just another damn ripoff" usually one item at a time without the need of a medium such as a nagging wife, the threat of eternal damnation or strip poker.

Bartering, some say, was first invented because there just weren't enough little pretty shells around at the time to launch the creation of anything so mercantilely grandiose as a Tim Horton's franchise or the funding of a single football megastar. Others argue, "No, that's wrong! People were just too damned stupid in the years shortly after the first wave of gratuitous, mass terrestrial creation by the lesser Yaawha to think up the thing as they waited around countless millions and millions of wasted years for the wallet and welfare to be invented."

To some it even felt as if had all whisked by so fast. It seemed as it were as if he-who-should-not-be-blamed's hammer had only been cast down short years before in a truncated cosmic eight thousand year blurr.

The noun (for those earthlings with more than a second grade education) barter is a term never to be confused with graft, money laundering, good-old fashioned pillfering or the late return of overdue videos and neighbourhood librarians. Bartering, and here I quote from the syllabus of a well-known university in which the course has been banned since bricks for the first campus student residence were too-hastily and zealously exchanged for a private massage studio tour, and a not-so-private tour of Oceania by the first outgoing president of the university, is only loosely related to the former, and then only on the occasional Saturday night following weeks of full-out hazing of first-year varsity chefs, usually named Marvin.

When bartering (as with stealing, ripping off the masses and conning old coggers out of their flaming gourds) it makes good sense not only to have some basic understanding of the value of that which is being given up, but also some nebulous idea of the worth of the thing one is so naively grasping for in the first place. Rock, scissors, papers. Rock, scissors, papers!

Simple bartering, (say a swapping of one's wife for a quarter section of day old Mammoth hind), a very primitive thing really, is said to have begun many years ago among prehistoric ubersexuals, and over a period of many millennia is believed to have spread to Persia and to have evolved into what today is commonly referred to as a con job. Today in capitalist society, it equates to one part basic back alley knifing, three-parts, unsollicted second coming (not that those in the know really believe there was ever a first one)of the Saturday afternoon couplets from the Watchtower. On the third, largely useless blop of spacematter out from Intergalatic Harry's favourite space-truck stop, it's a truism these days in bartering circles that King money thumps secular soul-thumping bartering every time. "Pray for me, man! Pray for me. Pay."

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