Batmobile

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This article is about a car. You were almost certainly looking for the article about the infant stimulation device. Sorry 'bout that.


Bat-History[edit]

The penis shape, homo exterior, and 1800's style gadget-filled interior make the Batmobile the greatest vehicle in the entire city

The Batmobile was developed, as it is well known, by Batman, for the obvious need to get around the place, since he can't just run or swing around the place. He developed it not just to be a fast ride, he developed it with many gadgets, on par with some of the greatest giant robots of history. It was also made from Batium, the strongest animal based element.

The Batmobile originally looked like the vehicle seen below, and Batman was initially excited by it. He soon ordered a test drive, only to see the dummy in the diver's seat get beheaded on a particularly bad wall collision. Although the vehicle was only somewhat crunched, Batman quickly decided to design a different model.

Finally, he designed a more bat-like Batmobile (shown at right), which actually made a lot of sense. He relied on it for many years until one day, when he was fighting Two-Face and his toadies lackeys, an explosive midget tried to anally rape the Batmobile's exhaust port, and failed, blowing it up instead.

Batman was very upset, muttering "I should have engaged the shield mode", although he managed to recover, designing another, sleeker, better Batmobile, with an armored canopy, and midget proof circuitry. This Batmobile lasted much longer, although it, and it's descendants, have inevitably gotten destroyed after about two years' service, on average.

Early design of the Batmobile during a crash test. The model was discarded after the dummy lost its head. it was then sold to the Vatican, and is now known as the "Popemobile".

Features of the typical Batmobile[edit]

  • A "Shield Mode", which once projected an energy field around the Batmobile, has since been abandoned for a multi-segmented armored shell, much as can be seen on the Viper
  • Small Rocket Launchers, each capable of containing a magazine of 12 missiles, or poo, whichever is more needed for missions.
  • Seat heaters with vinyl trim for that expensive Italian look.
  • Laser Cannons (great for getting annoying jack-asses ahead of you in the drive-thru to finish placing their orders).
  • Flamethrowers.
  • A Homing Pigeon, which can be launched from a forward opening, which Batman conveniently forgets to use much of the time, therefore allowing the villains to get away.
  • A digital map, which conveniently shows every location the Batmobile is in.
  • If it goes at 88 mph, it can travel in time. The Delorean from BTTF copied this, and thus became an immediate success.
  • Vibrating Seat, which Robin supposedly has come to love.
  • Twelve Cup holders and a Bat-tray holder
  • Fish to distract any stray sharks