Bear Wrestling

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Bear Wrestling (Similar to Hump-catting) is the sport in which a superior Grizzly, Black, Brown, or Polar bear, faces off against the meager challenger a human. History of this sport dates back to 1200 BC in which the ancient cultures pitted themselves against worthy foes for medals of honor. Modern day Bear Wrestling competitions are usually staged in a warm environment, with a moist river or stream near by. Bear Wrestling is extremely dangerous, and therefore, is only attempted by the brave. Should you succeed in a Bear Wrestling tournament; You are usually rewarded with internal honor, and a bouquet of Rose].

Heritage[edit]

Of original heritage, Bear Wrestling started in the German cultures and barbarian clans. The clan leader was chosen over the most superior of children, and pitted against Bears. The last one standing was declared the owner of the clan, and was given a shadow of leadership. The maimed and torn bodies of those less fortunate were therefore fed to the bears. Successful Bear Wrestlers showed their trophy often by catching a bear with their bare hands. Tamed, and carefully taken care of, they rode bears into combat, claiming their title of leadership.

Later picked up with Scottish immigrants to the United States of America, Bear Wrestling has since become quite a popular sport, despite its dangerous back-round. In ancient lore, Bear Wrestling was fabled to be the sport of god, and many Christians payed blood to this belief. Until 1124 A.D. when it was erased from the official bible of the fourth Testament, or book of god.

This sport is rationally competed by Trained professionals, and is by no means a good idea. However, this sports' deep history has become its curse- and is now an addiction to many, all around the globe. In the days of the sports creation, Hunters in the north, did not believe in a hunt so easy as deer. They instead found more of a rush out of killing an organism in which could fight back. They left their camp in early morning. With just a knife approximately 1" long. With this blade of despair, as nicknamed, it was used to gouge and tear their eyes.

Some Conspiracy theorists believe a Polar bear was included in the John F. Kennedy assassination, and therefore believe bear wrestling was involved in the incident. Bear wrestling, though popular, is now discouraged by conspiracy theorists, and unfortunately, by the common moronic man. Though some take extreme passion in this activity, others despise it thoroughly.

A bear in mating season is extremely dangerous, do not attempt to bear wrestle while the rut is occurring, or you will almost certainly get your balls mauled off (Or severely bummed by a Grizzly). It is also rumored in conspiracy, that the ancient bear lord Baeritis, started the sport of Bear Wrestling, in which a religion was created. Worshipers of Baeritis were considered ungodly, and demonic to the Christian Priests after 1124 when they were removed from the fourth testament. Priests considered anything not worthy of being written in holy script, a paradox of a horrible dimension, in which Satan ruled with an iron fist. Bear wrestling was considered a sin to the Christians, as well at the year 1124.

Accommodated with "Chicken Spinning", Bear wrestling held a lasting fame in the Buddhist Society. Tiger toothing was also added in 1846; Where you would wrestle a tiger until either one of two things happened: You died a painful bleeding death- OR - You ripped a fang from its upper jaw. However dangerous it was, people still preferred the trophy sport of Bear Wrestling.