Bearcat cavalry

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":o" -Facial expression most usually associated with a bearcat cavalry charge

Bearcats are literally the definition of pwnage. They can do anything, anywhere, at any point in time, and are the most lethal scissor-based-beings in the universe. Eventually somebody must have stopped shreiking in terror long enough to realize the impact even a single tamed bearcat could have on the field of battle.

So how did they do it?[edit]

According to herpabotomy and a thourough knowledge of history, bearcats are infinitly good in every way (and yes, i do mean EVERY way, you perverted FREAK). This general invincibility would seem to most people to make their capture and use in war impossible.

Most people are stupid.

The Battle of Chuck Hill[edit]

The only way to defeat a being of infinite power is to be better than infinite. The trouble is, to be better than infinite, you would have to be Chuck Norris. And chuck norris doesn't need a ride (unless a horny chuck norris). or so most people thought (see above).

Chuck norris was stomping commie pinkos in the general moscow area in about 1980, when he encountered a bearcat. Ordinarily that wouldn't have bothered him, but it was munching on Stalin's head, and chuck was pissed he didn't get to him first.

In a moment of anger, chuck norris flipped out and killed the surprised bearcat in a single, lethal, round-house kick. While this was in itself not particularly spectacular (chuck is in the habbit of kicking things less cool than him), but it was the first time anyone had ever succeeded in killing a bearcat, and struck fear into the bearcats metaphorical hearts.

Years earlier (this IS chuck norris we're talking about), chuck norris used this fear to his advantage, forcing scores of wild Bearcats to serve as elite cavalry for his chav army. They play a major part in his plan for world domination.

Spain II: The Revenge and their Bearcat Cavalry[edit]

The 42nd Bearcat Cavalry regiment, of the grand chav army of Spain II: the Revenge, is the only known unit of bearcat cavalry ever formed and has many unique advantages and disadvantiges Spain II: the Revenge has had to deal with. One prominent example is that while obliterating everything they come into contact with, they also disintigrate anyone who looks at them including their riders and the supporting chav infantry.

The solution to this problem also turned out to be an advantage; all of the soldiers of the chav army had to wear ninja blindfolds. This complemented their gunblades, and allowed them to use the force.


As anyone who knows about herpamatomy will immediately understand, this article was made in like half a second by a pasty nerd in someones basement. Thus I found myself unable to end this article with out the help of an ancient chinese proverb, in haiku form;

Chuck Norris has a

Bearcat cavalry and it

Pwns all you lame n00bs

See also[edit]