Belgrade

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The City Of Belgrade[edit]

Belgrade is the capital of Belgrade Pashaluk, a great Serb state in the middle of the Balkans. In it lives about 600 000 Serbs (old inhabitants),some 600 000 Montenegros (more than the whole population of Montenegro) and about 1 000 000 Serbs from Bosnia, Kosovo and Metohija and Croatia. Oh, it is said that some humans(!) inhabit Belgrade also. Symbols of Belgrade include: statue(Robbednik),The Carmaggedon Fortress, and the Saint Radza(Serbian brandy) temple. As a result of the Serbian Government (oxymoron) abolishing visas on Iranian and Afghani citizens, kebab shops have open everywhere. Belgrade's theme song is "Welcome to the Jungle" by Glocks and Pansies.

Territorial Divisions[edit]

Belgrade is divided in to meat-communities(mesne zajednice), and people from the same meat-community think of themselves as a tribe(local patriotism is very strong in Belgrade), and will strive to strengthen their influence in rulling of the city. Some meat-communities, though thing they are not part of the city, rather a city themselves while others which are not part of belgrade try to represent as they are. For example, mottoes and parols of the peole are: "Cerak do Terazija"(Terazije being the city downtown, while Cerak is a suburb), "Cerak continent", "We are not humans, we are from Cerak"(which is absolutely true - they are Serb, not human) and "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, when you see Cerak people, get the hell away"(a rough and inaccurete translation of "Zvoncici, zvoncici, zvone celu noc, kad vidis ljude s Ceraka ti zovi upomoc"). Reverse example are the people from Vinca, Kaludjerica etc which represent themselves as belgradians but they still grow corn and keep pigs.

Religion[edit]

Belgraders are moslty pagan and they follow bishop Boris Tadic, who described by CNN, is a "Tunisian refugee who smells worse than a Mexican gas chamber". Pagan religion is called the Shabanism(about 75% of all Belgraders share the faith). They worship there baleful gods in rough temple-boats stationed along the riverbank. Celebration rituals include getting drunk every single day(popular in every Serb religion), having Tarzan hairstyles(man only), dressing the shortest possible skirts(only women and homosexuals) and being utterly stupid. Choir songs listened in these temples, for all night long, are quite simple, rude and without any taste(for both music and common sense). Most are dedicatet to pagan gods known only by their names - Seka Alexic is the supreme Goddess (goddess of fatness), Ceca mother god and goddess of Boobs, Keba & Dzej gods of the Gypsies and Sinan god of all gods - and by mayhem they cause.New Belgrade is the biggest part of the city.It is divided in blocks of wood (block 4x2, block 4x4, etc.).When two guys from different blocks meet,they say the ritual sentence From what block are you fa**ot?The meeting ends with serious ass kicking for one of them.

Architecture[edit]

Belgrade's architecture is what you get when you mix Turkish military styles and Austrian renaissance with Yugoslav concrete. So no comment. Belgrade's architectural sophistication can be compared to a Greek man with cauliflower ear, crooked nose and a comb-over.

Wildlife[edit]

Belgrade has no zoo as it is effectively one large zoo. Some wildlife, like ferocious carnivorous Croats, are endangered in Belgrade.

Belgrade's city mascot, the headless chook (otherwise known as the Baghdad chicken).

Famous Belgrade Citizens[edit]

See Also[edit]

Jugoslaviaflag.JPG Socialistic Federal Republic of Yugoslavia Jugoslaviaflag.JPG

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